A Place To Belong: Part 2

A Place To Belong: Part 2 - What does it mean to Belong?

1 Corinthians 10:31, Ephesians 1:12, Isaiah 43:7, Matthew 28:18-20

SERMON TRANSCRIPT

I'm excited today. We're going to be wrapping up our series called A Place to belong. And the main part of the series is to really explain what the church is, why we exist, and why we, Spring Valley, why are we here? What are we doing? What's the thing we got going on here? And so Pastor Andre last week, he kicked us off and asking why the church. And he went into detail. He talked about the universal church, which is more like the greater church. If you were to kind of take a zoom back from the area, you see all the different neighborhood churches and all the churches around the globe and around the world, they are all a part of what we call the universal church. And then you have the local church, which would be us here. Spring Valley Church is the local church. And so he answered the question of why is the church even necessary? It's just really good questions. And the church is necessary for the advancement of the gospel. It's to make disciples, to be in the family of God, is to reflect God's glory and to continue Christ's work that he began when he was here on earth. And so then what does it look like to belong to a church? And he gave us four good reasons of why to belong to a church. And it is to attend, is to connect with others, is to serve and use what God has given us, and then is to care for one another.

And so today, we're going to continue in the same light and to walk through some of these questions of why the church or why to belong to the church. And I've been asked from time to time as a pastor and conversations I've had with different people of what church should I attend? Well, I love to tell them you should come to Spring Valley Church. A little bias there. I love this place, but I have probably like five different things I like to tell them every single time. And when people are looking for churches, especially if someone in our church we love and we care for and their job is maybe taking them somewhere and they're moving somewhere else, they have a question of, Pastor, how am I going to find a church like Spring Valley? What does that look like? So I have a couple things. I always tell them, I tell them, find a church that preaches the gospel. Find the church that preaches the gospel. And I mean the whole gospel, all of it, the whole thing, the whole Bible, that sermons come from Scripture and the gospel of Jesus Christ and that Jesus himself is central. Because if you were to go maybe to a church and to attend and you hear a whole sermon and a whole teaching and the word Jesus is never mentioned, I would argue to say that you probably just went to a TED Talk. And I'm sorry to say that and maybe call out some of my peers and other pastors, but that's the reality, that if we don't share the gospel of Jesus every single week, then we're just giving TED Talks every week. And there's plenty of those on YouTube for you to watch whenever you want to. But the church should preach the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Number two, I pray and I hope that we are this, but that we are warm and friendly. I think a church that you should attend should be welcoming, should be hospitable, to live in a way that we have been transformed, right? If Jesus comes into our life and transforms us, we should live that out. There's a big fancy word for that term with this that would be called sanctification. It's an idea of every single day is an opportunity to live more like Jesus. And as we live like that, we should treat other people in the same way. And so when people come in, when people are here, a part of our church, I pray that it's friendly and warm.

I think the members should be spirit-filled. Those who are part of the church, I think there should be what we have been talking about lately, abiding and being part of the vine and seeing spiritual fruit. There should be some essence of feeling that there is something here that the Holy Spirit is doing. People should reflect things of God like his love and his care, his grace, his mercy, which also ties in again with the whole being hospitable and welcoming. I think what we members of a church should be concerned about what God is concerned about. There are things in life that God really cares about. And sometimes the church is silent on that and it breaks my heart. And I think we need to be bolder in our faith to speak into those things. And I think that people that we have been transformed, we are continuing to be transformed through the power of the Holy Spirit.

I think the church should emphasize missions, not only local, but around the globe and around the world, that we can focus on the kingdom of God outside these four walls that we call Spring Valley Church. And we're going to be doing a series in May. I've been having Zoom calls with some of our missionaries, and we're getting to hear some stories from them. And so we're going to be doing a series after Easter that we're going to be able to share some of the stories of what God is doing through them around the world. It's some really cool stuff. I can't wait to share it with you guys.

And I think the final thing that a church should be, it should be evangelical and doctrine. There's some really big churchy terms. Let me break that down for you. There should be a strong emphasis on a personal decision to commit your life to Jesus. There should be a push and a regular calling of those who come in here because the reality is sometimes it's easy to go, well, I've been in church my whole life. That's great. But have you made a decision for Jesus? Sometimes we can attend and be a part of a church for a really long time have Jesus. But the reality is we actually haven't made that decision. And so sometimes I get asked, and we here at Spring Valley will regularly present the gospel and I'll get people who say, pastor, why are we doing it? Everybody here is Christian. Everybody here has been coming to church for five, 10 years. I was like, you don't know, man. You know what God's doing in their lives. You don't know where they're at. I'm glad they've been faithfully attending here and a part of the family, but maybe they never made the decision. We just don't know. And so there should be always and emphasis to move people towards making Jesus Lord and leader of their life. And then we celebrate with that. We celebrate through baptisms. We celebrate through sharing stories and testimonies of what God is doing in people's life. Because I think without that key element, we're a social club. We're nothing more than, and no dig on them, but a country club or the Kiwanas or any other local group, the Elks Lodge. Like, love them. They're awesome. They do great things in the community, but they're not doing that in the name of Jesus. We do that in the name of Jesus.

So what does it mean to belong? What does it mean to be a part of more shifting towards Spring Valley Church? Well, our vision and mission on the wall every single Sunday is to see our community saturated with the glory of God, and we do that through making disciples in the everyday stuff of life. Our vision is our why, to see our community saturated with the glory of God. So what does that mean? What does it mean, this term, saturate? Have you ever spilled water at a table with other people around? You can really test people and how quick their reactions are, of how quick they can move when that water cup gets knocked over. We have four children in our home, some of which are very wanting to be independent. And so we offend them sometimes with lids and straws on their cups. and so every now and then we'll gamble we'll roll the dice and we'll give them a cup of liquid with no lid and it doesn't go well we love them they're amazing kids but it just doesn't go well it's just not there and so we always have the test okay who's gonna knock it over at dinner time who's who's gonna be the one and i've done it myself i i will be guilty i've knocked it over myself quite a few times. But when you knock over a cup of water, what happens to it? It goes everywhere. It goes everywhere. It finds every single little nook and cranny. It finds the edge of the table so fast. I don't know. It's just like, I'm out. I'm free. There's the edge. It's like making a jail break. And it just goes everywhere. It gets on the stuff on the table. The napkins are soaked. Like it just goes everywhere. And I love this idea of seeing our communities just saturated with the glory of God, that it just goes everywhere. That Jesus himself fills us up. He talks about that in scripture, that then we go out with our cup of water of Jesus in our lives. Maybe not actually a cup of water, but we go out with Jesus in our lives. And I pray and I hope that as we interact with people in our lives, we leave maybe a couple drops of Jesus with them. We maybe leave a little imprint, a wet spot of Jesus on their lives because you and I might be the only Jesus that they ever get to experience in life. I hope and pray that there's more people in their lives that are Christ followers and speaking truth into them, but we might be the only people to share Jesus with them. So what does it look like? Well, spreading the glory of God in our community looks like sharing and showing up, showing up in people's lives when they're hurting, sharing kindness, sharing in generosity, praying for people, even if they don't know that you're praying for them. I love that. It's like undercover prayer. Like you're praying for your neighbors and your friends and your co-workers and they don't have no idea. And they'll come tell you stuff that's going on in your life. And you're just like, all right, God, add it to my list. I'm praying for And it's amazing what God can do. But this is meeting a very real practical need in people's lives. And we're not doing it for us. We're doing it for God.

I love what it says in 1 Corinthians 10.31. It says, so whether you eat or drink, whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God. Everything that we do at Spring Valley Church, and I pray that that trickles into your life too, is for the glory of God. But who are our communities? It says, two communities are saturated. So who are our communities? Well, our communities are really simple. It's where we live, where we learn, where we work, and where we play. That's our neighbors. It's our coworkers. That's our friends. That's our family. That's our classmates. It's anybody in our life that we interact with on a regular basis. And maybe sometimes just random basis. There's times in my life where I'm having a conversation with a random person, and God says, just tell them that I love them. And I'm like, God, just tell them I love them. I just, hey, I know we just met. God loves you, man. Just want you to know that. And I get to turn around and walk away, and I just left a little Jesus on him. But that's what we're called to do.

Ephesians 1.12 says, So that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be to the praise of his glory. God fills us up. When we receive Jesus, we are filled up. So then we will go out and be the ones to be the praise for his glory. I love how it talks about in Psalms chapter one, where it talks about the person that is planted by streams of water. That's who we are. Jesus is our source of everything. We just talked about this in Corinthians in our series about Christ, who is our life. Christ is our life. He is our source. He is our everything. And so as out of that flows streams of living water, as it says in John 7, he fills us up to overflowing. We gather regularly together, but that's not the end all be all. Sometimes it's easy to just get caught up in Sunday morning, right? To just be like, I come in, I sit down, sing some songs, maybe take communion, maybe somebody prays for me. I hear an encouraging word from the Lord. I'm filled up, I take my cup and I go out and I hold onto my cup all week. I just walk around, I'm like, oh, I got my Jesus. I love it. Got my Jesus. Oh, don't want to spill it. Oh, I have to share this with somebody else? No, this is my Jesus. They can go find their own Jesus. But that's not it. Our gathering, our Sunday morning is actually just the beginning. If you've played sports, you know the game doesn't happen in the locker room, right? It doesn't happen on the practice field. It doesn't happen in a training session. It doesn't happen in the gym. It happens out on the field. And everything we do around that prepares for that moment on the field together. Because the reality is the world is watching and the world is looking. The world takes on these false promises that society and things and other religions and groups and communities promise to give them, but fall short time and time and time again. And we are out to go to saturate our communities with the glory of God.

So how does this happen? How do we go, okay, that's our why, our what? Well, our what is making disciples in the everyday stuff of life. Jesus gave us this commandment called the Great Commission to go and to make disciples. And see, our vision here at Spring Valley will only be brought about when each of us strive as a lifelong learner in the way of God. To understand how he's uniquely created us, how he's called us, and how he's commissioned us. Isaiah says this in 43 verse 7. Anyone who is called by my name, whom I'm created for my glory, whom I formed and made. Jesus has a calling for each and every one of us, and that is to first be a disciple of him. But it doesn't stop there. Each of us are included in God's great redemption plan. And each of us have a part to play in that. And the reality is that we are plan A and there is no plan B. That we are called. And being a follower of Jesus leads us into being a disciple in the everyday stuff of life. So Chris, that's great. What does that mean? Well, what it means is a disciple.

And the definition of disciple is someone who is following Jesus, being changed by Jesus, and is committed to the mission of Jesus. You see how like Jesus is kind of part of the whole thing there? That being a disciple is someone who is following Jesus, being changed by Jesus, and is committed to the mission of Jesus. Matthew 4.19, Jesus calls disciples at different times and he calls us and he says, Follow me and I will make you fishers of men. I always thought it was very interesting how he used this term and this phrase. But when we break it down, there's three parts here of what Jesus is actually doing. Jesus says, follow me. Change your head. Or, yeah, change your head. Who are you thinking about? Who are you looking at? What are you striving for? Jesus says, follow me. Change how your head is thinking. Then Jesus said, you will be changed. He says there, I will make. Jesus is the one that's doing the transformation. This is our heart. Jesus is transforming our heart through the Holy Spirit. And then what does he say? He says, I will make you fishers of men. He says, you are being committed to the mission of Jesus. That's our hands of how we do it. So it's a head, our heart, and our hands. And some of these final words of Jesus he's giving to the disciples is exactly what he asked and is calling us to do as well.

He says these. These are some of the final words of Jesus before he goes back to heaven. It says in Matthew 28, it says, Then Jesus came to them and said, All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I commanded you. And surely I'm with you always to the very end of the age. There is one imperative large command in that, and it is to make disciples. But then there's three participles that describe how we do that. The first of which is go. So that is the everyday stuff of life. As you are going throughout life, you are a disciple. You are to baptize. You are to publicly declare with your faith that you are a follower of Jesus. And then you are to teach. You are to teach those and to grow them up, to spur them on, to take them deeper in their walk with Jesus. And the disciple making is about entering into relationships to help people trust and follow Jesus. This is what it's about. It's to enter into intentional relationships with Jesus to help people find and follow and trust him. It's all about him. It's all about Jesus. But we have to change our mindset. We have to focus on Jesus who is working in us, allowing him to work, and to fulfill the way that God has uniquely created, called, and commissioned us.

So Chris, this is great. Great vision, great mission. That's awesome. How does this rubber meets the road? How does this practically play out? We call it our four Gs, and it is just so that easy to remember, is to gather, grow, give, and go. these are the four four focuses to help make the vision and mission happen here at spring valley church the first one gather what does that mean well gathering means to commit to gathering together regularly with the church body what does that look like well that looks like worship that looks like discipleship that looks like evangelism these larger big churchy words but what it means is Jesus matters, prayer matters, God's word matters, and Sunday matter. That's what it's all about. And that when we gather together, we will have these different elements when we gather. Again, if you guys have picked up on that, but every time that we have gathered together as a church, whether it's a men's ministry, a women's ministry, all of us together on a Sunday or some other spot. There is an element of this that is happening every single time. We don't gather just for the sake of gathering. But it's about being together with one another, with the presence of the Holy Spirit, living on mission and on vision for Jesus Christ.

The second way we do this is we grow. We meet regularly with a few others to encourage and equip you in growing up in Christ. because the reality is that growing people change. And I was thinking about this last night as I was walking through my notes of, I always thought of it as in the sense of a positive, growing people change. Sometimes we can grow in the wrong ways and we change in the wrong ways, right? But we are to grow in Jesus, to grow up in Christ because transformation truly matters. I think sometimes we sit around and go, I'm good with Jesus. I'm set. I'm good. I got my routine. I'm set. But the reality is that each of us can be transformed even more into Jesus. Some of the most seasoned veteran Christians that I looked up to and respect, you could ask them, hey, when did you arrive? And they go, what do you mean, when did I arrive? I said, well, when did you arrive when you were like, I'm a Jesus follower. I'm a disciple. I'm transformed. There's always something more to grow and to learn and be sanctified into Jesus Christ more and more every single day. Creativity matters. I think there's some awesome ways in which you have tradition and you do the same thing the same way in a church sometimes, and I love it, but I think also it's great to shake things up. We here at Spring Valley try new things all the time. And you guys are awesome. You run with us on some things. Sometimes it's like, wow, they came up with that idea. But we like trying new things because sometimes we learn and we grow and things connect with different people at different times. That's why we have a few different voices that teach on the regular. Because every person brings a little bit different perspective and understanding with their training, their knowledge, their experience with scripture, and it speaks to a variety of people. I think it's a huge, huge way that we can continue to grow in our relationship with Jesus.

The third thing is that we give. And yeah, I'm going to talk about it, but we support Spring Valley and we serve the larger body with the things that God has blessed us with. Maybe you've been around in the church. You've heard it before, time, talent, treasure. And I'm talking about everything because the reality is that God has blessed us with everything, right? Everything that we have received in life is from Jesus himself. God blesses that with us. And so then his calling in us as we are to be a disciple is how do we use what he has given us to further his kingdom? We desire to have a generous impact here at Spring Valley Church. And that for some means tithing. for others it means tithing and it means to use everything we have for his glory to give back to him to make a generous impact with everything we have because gratitude matters Jesus has given us everything he's taking care of our eternal salvation right everything else is just gravy right he's taking care of our biggest need and so how do we be generous the way he has been so generous with us. We serve one another. Service matters. Saved people serve people. Because if we're truly saved, then we should have the same heart of Jesus. And he was the ultimate servant of giving up of himself to the cross in his death. So we serve one another. We talk about that regularly, serving on teams. Some of you we probably reached out to at times said, hey, can you serve in this way? How can you love on our church congregation?

And so then finally, our fourth G is to go. As Jesus said to go, to be a disciple of Jesus who makes his disciples with others. We want to live in relational community with one another, but not just fun, not just dinners, not just movie nights or vacations or pool parties or fun times, but to live life together missionally, that we are intentionally encouraging one another, loving one another, saying, hey, how are you doing with Jesus? What are you learning? What's he teaching you? How are you growing in him? Evangelism matters. Unity matters. We have a church care team here that you may get a phone call from them randomly from time to time that just checking in. How are you doing? And it's beyond just the pastoral staff, but it's another team that really cares for our church because you guys matter. Pastor Lauren talked about it earlier, but these invite cards during Easter, during this season, to take time to intentionally pray for an opportunity to invite somebody to come with you on Easter Sunday. Because we're all called, When you became a disciple, you accepted Jesus, you became a minister of the gospel. You may not carry the title pastor, but neither did the 12 disciples or apostles. But they're all called to share the gospel and ownership matters and that we need to own that.

The reality is we can't accomplish all of this without you. that's the reality and that we are all called to be together on this team we are called to be part of this family and so what does that mean for you well we've been talking about it for a few weeks now and that means membership and membership in this church means about engaging and partnering with us who is the local church another way of saying it is hey i'm all in this is my church and it's a two-way street sometimes it can get thought about well church membership is just the church wanting something from me no no no this is a this is a mutual relationship this is a two-way street membership is about the church also saying to you we are committed to you we are committed to your faith journey we are committed to you in the every day this is a mutual thing it's not just a person to the church, but it's also the church to the person. And I don't know what you grew up in. There's different churches of different models and some you utilize membership and some don't. And that's fine. They don't have to have membership at all. But I believe that there is something that is missed for both the church and the body when there isn't membership. And you can attend and you can be here at Spring Valley without being a member. This is not a It's a hope and a desire from us. But you can serve here. You can be here. You can give here. You can be a part of Spring Valley without being a member. Now, there are some ministry and leadership roles that membership is required of. But we will never, ever stop anybody from not being able to be here at Spring Valley Church. The church is a gift from God. It's a beautiful thing. And it's a beautiful thing when you have believers who are committed to that gift. And it's something really special when all of that comes together.

So what does it look like? What does it look like to be a member here at Spring Valley Church? It's just five areas. First of which is engagement. What does that look like? Well, that means attendance. It means being present. It means praying for our church, praying for our pastors, praying for those who are walking through different situations in life, encouraging one another.

It means discipleship. It means spiritual growth. They used that term earlier, sanctification, or a pursuit of holiness to allow Jesus to transform us. You're committing to saying, I'm going to walk deeper in my faith with Jesus in a community, and that community is going to be there with me. It means service. It means attending to the needs of others in our community. Spring Valley, Rocklin, Roseville. There are over a quarter of a million people in this region of 65 and 80 from Roseville, over the edges of Lincoln, up to Loomis, down into West Roseville, over a quarter of a million people. There are not enough churches. And not everybody is attending church every single week. And so we have to serve and care for the needs of others.

It looks like generosity, giving of God's blessing that he's given to you in practical needs. Maybe it's through tithing. Maybe it's a special giving project. Maybe it's supporting our missionaries around the globe. Maybe it's giving of your time. You're like, hey, money is super tight right now, but I got time. I can volunteer. I can be here. What do you need? I need help. I'm here to help. It means being generous with the talents that you've been given. What I love about our worship team is these guys are incredibly talented and gals. They're so gifted. They could probably, and most, some of them are on a stage regularly in bands, performing and being paid to do a lot of stuff. They donate all their time and talent to be here. because they love this church. Guys, we are so blessed by them.

And it looks like inviting, like we talked about these invite cards, to pray for people. And we've said it here before, and I wanna continue to say it, that if you come in on church on a Sunday and it was encouraging for you, it was uplifting for you, it was special, God spoke to you, God, Jesus gave you something, Why not invite somebody to come experience that with you? Don't hold back on that. Don't hold your little cup of Jesus and just walk around and don't spill it. But share that freely with others because somebody at some point invited you in, right? Somebody at some point said, hey, come to church with me. I want you to find Jesus. And you found Jesus. And then you found Spring Valley. And we want to keep doing that time and time again. Membership is about finding a place to belong.

And SVC is better with you. SVC wouldn't be the same if you weren't here. And there's people who are going to become part of this church and are going to find this church soon, and they get to be a part of that. And it just continues to grow and expand. and we grow God's kingdom for his glory through making disciples in the everyday stuff of life.

Pray with me. Jesus, we thank you for the many blessings, God, that you give us every single day. Jesus, we thank you for how you died on the cross for us, for our sins. The biggest problem in our life, you took care of as a servant, as a humble, humble sacrifice for our lives. And Jesus, you gave this gift that is the church. And God, I pray as we move into after service to have our membership class, God, that those who are trying to figure out what all this looks like may stick around and just have some question and answer, Jesus. But I pray that they would see the church as this beautiful gift to them in life. And I pray, God, that if you were leading them into, that they would step into becoming a member. Then they would see how, God, you have provided a community and a place for them to belong. and that membership is not only them committing but the church also committing to them saying we are all in on you and that we will be here for you. We will pray for you. We will care for you. And so Jesus, I pray that Spring Valley would truly be a place that is warm, that is welcoming, that is caring, that stays focused on the gospel, stays true to your word, and has a heart for lost people to find you, Jesus. For us to see our community saturated, your glory, Jesus. And that we would step into being true disciples in the everyday stuff of life. Thank you, Jesus. We love you. Amen.

A Place To Belong: Part 1

A Place To Belong: Part 1 - What is the Church?

Romans 12:10; 15:7, Galatians 5:13; 6:2, Ephesians 5:21, 1 Thessalonians 5:11

SERMON TRANSCRIPT

We are starting a new series, very excited for this series, called A Place to Belong. And I think that's true for all of us, right? We long for a place to belong in a world that's increasingly disconnected, transient, individualistic. God has given us something that is intentional and beautiful, and that is the church. Not a building, not an event, not a weekly obligation, but a people. So our series, A Place to Belong, is a two-week series exploring what the church truly is, why it matters, and why it's essential for our lives as followers of Jesus. When Jesus said, "I will build my church," he wasn't talking about just a structure, but a spiritual family. And together we're going to look at what the church is and what it isn't, why it's necessary for our growth, why gathering together isn't optional but vital. And in a culture that often asks, "Can't I just follow Jesus on my own?" We'll discover God's design for community, for accountability, worship, mission, and belonging. So next week we're going to bring that conversation even closer to home, as Pastor Chris is going to talk about the mission and vision of Spring Valley Church specifically, who we are and what we value and what life looks like as a committed member of this body. And he's going to talk about why the global church is a beautiful thing. God places us in local contexts. And so what does it mean to not just attend but to truly belong, to serve, to give, to commit, and to build a spiritual family here at Spring Valley? Because again, the church isn't just somewhere you go, it's something you're a part of. We believe God has created a place for you to belong. So you guys ready to dive into the series with me as we kind of step back and take a general view of the church? Yeah? Okay, I saw it. That's good.

We're going to answer three important questions this morning. The first is, what is the church? Second is, why is church necessary? And the third is, what does it look like to belong to a church? And again, this is just going to be for general. I mean, whether you go here or whether you've been going to other churches, this is just for churches across the globe. And we're going to then next week get specific about Spring Valley Church. Let me go ahead and pray one more time and then we'll continue. God, thank you again for our time together this morning. And I pray that you, as you have been this morning preparing our hearts, I pray that we'd be ready to listen now, that our hearts will be able to receive your truth. And God, I pray that we'd be able to maybe just pause on all the other things going on in life, whether they're good, but maybe they're just distracting at the moment. I just pray that you'd help us to be present. And I pray that you would speak through your word. Give me the words to say and how to say them. And I pray that we would all be encouraged and drawn closer to you. We pray this in your name. Amen.

All right. So the first question, what is the church? As I already said, it's not just a building. We call this church and it is church, but that's not all it is. When the Bible talks about church, it's talking about a people, a group of believers. Paul does a lot of explaining about what the church is because he was alive and he was an apostle during the time when the church was just beginning and Jesus had ascended. And so I'm going to be bouncing around a lot of Paul's writings because he does a good definition of explaining to everyone at that time, here's what you guys are. You group and community of believers. This is the church. Here's what you are. Here's what it should look like. So I'm gonna be referencing him. But I want to start by explaining some terms that I think are going to help us.

And the first is the universal church. What we often call, if you've been around Spring Valley for a while, we've said the big C church. That means capital C church. And we don't mean just this church. We mean all the churches that are founded on Christ around the world. That's what we call the universal church. A definition could be all believers in all times and places. So throughout history, from the early church into the future, when we say the universal church, we're talking about every believer of every, over the decades and centuries, thousands of years. This is the universal church. And some things about the big C church that are true is one, the church is united in Christ. It's holy, it's set apart for Christ, and it is the body of Christ. First Corinthians 12 says, "Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all of its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ." He's talking to all the individual believers. We are all part of the body of Christ. And then First Corinthians, Paul also tells us that the church's foundation is built on Jesus Christ himself. The church is the representation of God here on earth. As we are all being formed individually, to be made more like Christ through the work of the Holy Spirit inside of us, we then share his light and his truth and his hope and love to the world around us. The other thing about the universal church, every church that, again, has its foundation in Christ, it began at Pentecost with the outpouring of the Holy Spirit. So I just think it's so cool to know that even these local churches, this church has only been around for 20-something years, I think. But we can trace our history from other places on Sunset, where we were, to being planted by Faith Legacy, which used to be called Arcade Wesleyan in Sacramento, to earlier churches in America in the 1700s, to the medieval times, to all the way back to Pentecost. Our church history is tied in with all of that. I think that's beautiful. So that's the universal church, all believers in all times.

Then we're going to get to the local church. So we are a local church here at Spring Valley Church. Local church is all believers in one place and at one time. So it's an expression of the universal church. Our church here in Rocklin is going to look different than the local church in the Czech Republic or the local church in India or even the local church in San Francisco. The local church is an expression of the community that it's in. We might have different songs that we sing, different applications to our sermons, given the circumstances that are surrounding that church and what they're going through, made up of different people, different looking buildings, different emphasis and focuses on Bible passages. But we are still united in Christ, set apart for his purposes and have Christ as our foundation. God created humanity and appreciates the different cultures and tongues around the world. Says so in scripture. And the church is going to be made up of those different cultures and people. And that's a good thing. Another way of saying it is that the local church is the local community of people who have been indwelt by and empowered by the Holy Spirit. So we see examples of the local church primarily in the Bible and just even in the epistles, in the New Testament. A lot of Paul's writings are called Philippians, Colossians, Ephesians. Those are all local churches. The local church in Philippi received the letter of the Philippians. Colossians is written to the local church in Colosia. Ephesians, the local church in Ephesus. Corinthians, the local church in Corinth. So on and so forth. Some of the Bible is addressed to these local churches, each with their unique flavor, not necessarily theologically, but just in the people that make up that church. Some were more diverse and were around port cities. Some were made primarily of Jews. Some were made up primarily of Romans. Others had more upper class. Others had more working class. The local church reflects its local community. The local church is all about glorifying God by carrying out his redemptive mandate in a specific local area. That mandate I'm talking about is Matthew 28 when it says, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you." So each local church is trying to do that in their local area. The local church is about serving people, and that work is done by the entire body of believers. Not just a few, it's supposed to be the whole church who is looking to serve others in the church and outside the church. And the local church is equipped by Christ through its church leaders for the purpose of equipping all the saints. Pastor Chris is going to go into that next week in more details. He shares the mission and vision of Spring Valley Church and the mission and vision that God has given him and shared with its leaders. And then we're sharing with you as we equip you for the work that God has given you individually in your life, but also as belonging to this church and the work that we are doing together as a community.

The Bible tells us that the local church is characterized by a few things. Romans 12 10 says, "Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves." So the local church should be about honor and devotion to each other. Romans 15 says, "Accept one another, then just as Christ accepted you in order to bring praise to God." So the local church should be about acceptance of one another. Galatians 5 13 says, "Serve one another humbly in love." And Galatians 6 2 says, "Carry each other's burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." So the local church should be about admonishing, serving each other and bearing one another's burdens. Ephesians 5 21 says, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." So in the local church, now we're getting a little bit tougher here, we should be submitting to each other in some way, shape or form. And 1 Thessalonians 5 11 says, "Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up." So in the local church, there should be an encouragement and we should be experiencing and partaking in building each other up in Christ. So what the local churches should be characterized as should be known of local churches, there should be true of their community and true of their people. And finally, when it comes to the local church and to the universal church, I just want to mention the two sacraments that Jesus gave us and instructed us to carry out. And these sacraments are the visible signs of an invisible spiritual reality that were given and instructed and that is communion and baptism. So in the church, we practice communion, the Lord's Supper, we share in the Lord's meal and obedience to what Christ told us to do as we gather. And then we also practice baptism with those who are new believers, and we get baptized. Now, we believe that you can take communion in any church, not just here, you don't have to belong, you can only take communion here at this church, you can take communion in other churches. You can be baptized in any church as well if you're a believer, though I think we believe that it's really nice if you belong to this church family that you would practice those things with the people that support you and love you and are walking in life with you. So that's what the church is. This was a huge flyover. We can go into more deeds of all those things, but I only have about 20 minutes this morning. And so we could have spent six months on what the church is, but I just want to remind you that this will be on YouTube and the transcript will be there. And if you want to have further conversation about what the church is or clarify anything, you can find one of us after the service or at that membership class next week, you can stop by and ask your question.

So I know I'm going quickly, but that is what is the church? Next I want to answer why is the church necessary? Why is the church necessary? There's quite a few people these days who might have a personal relationship with God, but don't really want to be involved in church. They may say something like, "I'm not okay with organized religion, but I'm a Christian, I believe." But that isn't quite what God desires or wants. I met a guy over at the park over here one time and he said, "I'm a Christian, I'm a former church goer, and I have my own faith community with my friends." This was after I introduced myself as a pastor, which, you know, we get all these sorts of answers. And he had that down, like that was something he said over and over again. He just had that off the cuff. "I'm a Christian, former church goer, but I have my own faith community with my friends." And it just makes me want to ask more questions. And I didn't really have time to go into it, but I said, "I'm sure there's a story there." He said, "Oh, there's definitely a story there." I said, "Oh, okay." Makes me curious. It's more common now, I'm a Christian, I don't want to go to church, but God wants us to go to church and to belong. And being a Christian technically means you are a part of the universal church. The universal church, again, is the body of Christ. Once you believe and you accept Jesus as your savior, you are a part of the body of believers, the body of Christ. So if you're a part of the universal church, why not be a part of the local church in your area? The purpose of the church, again, is to make visible God's glory. And we do that in primarily two ways, to love God through worship, through prayer, partaking of sacraments, being in obedience with God, by making disciples. The church is how Jesus chose to continue the ministry that he started, to have his believers be together in life, ministering and sharing his truth and his love with the rest of the world. In John 20 and John 17, we hear that from Jesus as he empowers the disciples to say, you are going to continue the work that I have begun. And that is to us today too, as a church. So if we were to parse that out a bit more, I think we see some more specific purposes for the church.

The first one is the advancement of the gospel. While God can work miracles, and there are stories of people in remote places of the earth who have not heard from missionaries or anyone who received dreams and visions of Jesus and come to know and believe in him, and that is amazing. That's incredible. I think the more common route, especially in our context, is by hearing from someone about the gospel, someone sharing with someone else God's word. And that is the purpose of the church. That's why the church is important, is that we are tasked with sharing the gospel to other people. The truth of God will be shared by us. And that can happen in so many different ways. That can be Sunday morning and you invite someone to church and they are here and they hear the gospel message. Or it could be through a Bible study, that someone attends a Bible study and that discussion that's happening around God's word. It can be in outreaches, it can be in men's and women's groups and informal gatherings. It can be in a church setting, it can be something like a VBS, a vacation Bible school, where we invite kids and they are there for a few days and they are going to hear Bible lessons. But the church is about advancing the gospel.

Secondly, the church is important because it's there to make disciples of Jesus. Right after advancing the gospel is to make disciples, make followers of Jesus. And we want to make disciples who make disciples. We want to be leading people to Jesus and then they are with the same heart saying, "Hey, I need other people. There's other people who need the word of God too." Just as the 12 did, the 12 who followed Jesus and they continued the work of Christ and spread the gospel around Jerusalem and beyond. We are to share the gospel with our community, with the people that we have in our life. So the church is about making disciples for Jesus. Again, we are not saying, "Come follow me." We are saying, "Come follow Jesus. I'm following him too. Come join me in following Jesus. We will follow Jesus together.”

Thirdly, the church is important because we are called to be a family of God. So we want to commune with each other, have fellowship with each other, have that community. God created community. And his truth, the gospel, I think this is important to know. His truth is meant to be understood in the context of community. Our culture is such an individualistic culture and it's true that we have a personal relationship with Jesus, but we are also meant to be in community. We are meant to hear God's word in community. We are meant to encourage each other. We are meant to live life alongside other people. It's in this group setting that we are encouraged by others, edified to be more like Christ, where we pray for each other, walk with each other through hardship and difficulty, support each other through crises, and love each other with the love of God. So church is important because we are meant to be a family of God. Church is important.

The fourth reason is to reflect God's glory. As I mentioned, we are a representation of Christ in this world. We just talked about this in our Christian-ish series. We are supposed to abide in him. And as we abide in him, he abides in us. And when we do, and when he abides in us, we reflect his character, his light, his truth, his hope, his love to the world around us. We are that representation of what is true and good, not just individually, but as a church as a whole. We pray that each local church is a light in the darkness, in the chaos, in the confusion and fear of the world.

And fifth is, the church is important because we are continuing Christ's work in us and for others. This goes beyond just making disciples. This speaks to the care that we have for the poor, for the widowed, for those who are treated unjustly, unfairly. We come alongside as a church, we come alongside the broken. We love like Jesus did, those who are in pain, who are hurting, who are alone. We want to have a mind and a heart like Christ, who didn't judge and didn't just say, "Here's what needs to be fixed," but comforted them, walked alongside them, had a meal with them. The church is a place where individually we are refined and transformed and made more like Christ. But it's also a place where together we strive for Christ together. And it's in this group setting as we continue Christ's word that we can better know His truth, we can study God's word, iron sharpening iron, we can care for those who need others, who need love and need someone else to walk with them. So you know what the church is, we know why it's important.

Now what does it look like to belong to a church? Again, these are general, but we see these in Scripture and they are informative for us today and I think transformative for us today. The first one is, what does it look like? Well, it begins with attending, right? You are a part of a church family, which means you got to show up to be with the church family. Your presence matters, you being in church matters. You are missed when you are not here. Church life is not as full when people are not here. Now it's not just attendance, because I think people can attend but not belong, if you know what I mean, right? People can show up but not truly be a part of the church, but it starts with attending. You got to be here at church.

Secondly, connecting with others. That's what it means to belong to a church, is connecting with others. It's a two-way street. We are there for other people and we let other people be there for us. Now some of that is really hard for us. Whichever one, maybe it's easy to be there for others but we don't like to let people in. You say, "Hey, I'll show up, I'll help out, but as soon as we're in a hard time, we kind of disappear. I'll come back when I've figured it out." No, being a part of a church and connecting with others, having that relationship means vulnerability, letting other people in, letting other people care for you, and it requires sacrificial living, doing things and being there for others even when it's not convenient. Even when you may be busy or when you don't get to do that thing that you wanted to do because now someone's asked for your help. That's real relationship. That's what the church should be about, where we connect with others, where we build relationship with people based on Christ's love for us.

So attending, connecting with others, and then belonging to a church means serving with and using your God-given talents. Whatever God has given you, time, talents, resources, how are you using that for his kingdom and in the local church context? Again, whether that's time, talents, or money, but I would say it's not less than money. We serve each other. We use whatever God has given us. We give our time to show that we care. We give our skills because God has given them to us to use for his kingdom, and we give our money as a way to be generous, out of obedience, and as an ongoing way to exercise trust in God. So what do you have? What has God given you? And it may change. Maybe at one season of life you have a lot of time, and maybe you're called to be involved with the church. Maybe in another season you're really busy, but God's blessed you with some finances and you say, "Hey, I'm going to give a bit more during this time." Or maybe God's given you some kind of talent skill that the church can use, and you can offer that and say, "Hey, I want to do this for the church." Then lastly, I want to say that belonging to a church means caring for one another. This just goes beyond connecting. It's actively looking out for one another, and we love that that happens so organically in a small church. When you know each other's lives, when you know what's going on, and when something arises, you can say, "Hey, I heard this, and I want to be there for you. I want to cook this meal for you. I want to show up. I'm going to mow your lawn for you," whatever it is. Pastor Chris is going to share more of this next week, I think, but we have a care team here who checks in with people. Whether we hear something or when we just haven't seen you for a while, you might get a call and say, "Hey, how are you doing? You just want to make sure everything's okay. Is there anything we can be praying for?" But it's actively looking out for one another. Part of caring for one another is also providing encouragement. Through word or deed or by the Holy Spirit, we want to encourage one another to follow God in whatever situation we are in. That may be by providing answers and conversation, or it may just mean praying for each other. Say, "Hey, I heard this, and they're not ready to hear anything right now, but I'm just going to be praying for them." Or it may mean, "Hey, I know this person. I know what they're going through, and I'm going to invite them out to coffee because I think we need to talk it out. I think they need someone to listen to them, or maybe they need to hear some encouragement right now." But we're actively trying to do that. Lastly, the thing about caring for one another is welcoming new people. Again, if the church is doing what the church is supposed to do, we're going to be seeing new people in the church, receiving Christ and starting their faith journey, or returning to church, maybe after years of not walking with God. We are here to welcome them in, back to the family of God. You're here to welcome them, not to judge, not to be gatekeepers of the truth or our community. We are here to welcome people, just as Jesus welcomed people.

So I would say belonging to a church looks like these things. You're attending, you're connecting with others, you're serving the church and giving to the church, and you're caring for one another. Now, given all those things, I want to ask, do you belong here at Spring Valley Church? Do you feel like you are doing those things and this is the place that you belong? Or do you sense, "I'm not doing all these things, and I want to belong, and here's a couple more things now that I can do, that I can improve, that I can work on." I want all of you to pull out your programs, as Lauren mentioned. If you've been here for a while, you might have noticed that we changed a couple of things down here. There's something new. And I want to point this out to you. Now there's a little section that kind of pertains to today. It says, "Sign me up for membership class on March 22nd." If you're not yet a member here at Spring Valley, but you're hearing what church is, and what it means to belong to a church, and you want to belong to Spring Valley Church, I would encourage you to write your name, contact information, and check that box. I am signing up for membership class. If you're here, and you're still wondering, and you've got questions, like, "I've heard this, I've understood what the church is, but I have some more questions," I'd still encourage you to write your name down, attend the class. The class next week is not a, "I'm for sure becoming a member." So don't worry, there's no pressure there. But just, it's time to ask questions, to clarify anything, for us to explain some more things. So I'd still encourage you to attend. There's going to be a bucket in the back, and at the end of the service, when we dismiss, I want you guys to drop those in there. Even if you've been attending church a long time, I'd still encourage you. This is a chance to, again, we've had local churches, but we're going to talk next week about Spring Valley Church specifically, and so I'd love for you guys to be there to hear specifically what God is doing at this church. All right, I know that was, you have your tear-off sheets, I hope I, did I hear some of this, did I hear this happening right here? Did you guys do this yet? Oh, okay, yeah, okay, I heard one. Great, there we go. I know that was a lot, and hopefully some of it was familiar, hopefully some of it might have been new, or a good reminder of why the church exists, and hopefully it's guiding you closer to why, just going week after week, again, not out of obligation, but because you belong to a family, a church family, and that is such a good thing. And again, the sermon will be posted online, if anything, if I went too fast over anything, feel free to go back.

Lastly, I just want to put this in front of you, something that we're trying to stress more is how we can be more intentional, be mindful of those who need Jesus in your life. So who in your life could benefit from being a part of a local church? Who in your life needs to hear the truth, needs to be encouraged, needs to connect with warm and loving people who love God? Who do you know that you can reflect God's glory to? And if some names are coming to mind, good, if you don't have anyone, and everyone in your life is a Christian, praise God for that, but I think it's time to pray that you meet some new people. And I think it's time to pray for a new opportunity, say, "God, bring someone in my life that I can be a Christian to, that I can witness to." But if you don't, if you have names swirling in your head, that's good, I want you to bring out, there should have been a card on your screen, I'm having you fill out a lot this morning, that's a good thing. There's a card that's the Easter service invitation card. And if you have a name that is on your mind, on your heart, I want you to write that down on the top and on the bottom. The top is for you, you keep that section and you're going to put that somewhere in your wallet, your purse, your car, your Bible, somewhere where you're going to see and say, "That's right, when I see, I'm supposed to be looking for an opportunity to invite this person to Easter service." So do that. And then you're going to write the same name on the bottom, you're going to put it in the bucket, and we're going to pray for you. And we're going to be praying for these names. We don't know who belongs to who, we're just going to be praying, "Hey, for this person, we pray that whoever is in their life that knows Jesus, they're going to invite this person to Easter service." So we're going to partner with you in praying for people to come to a church service.

And the great thing about this, about praying about an opportunity, is you guys do not have to be super confident in that moment. It's okay to be nervous, it's okay to just have a little anxiety over it, but I want to tell you this, it does not depend on you. Their relationship with God, their attendance, and what they do with church does not depend on you. I know for some people it takes a while, it takes multiple invites to say, "You know what? I'm going to go." And so you might be the first invite, and you might get rejected, and that's okay. You're priming the pump and making them think about church, and making them think about God. And God is doing so much work that we cannot see in their hearts. Now you also might be the invite that they say yes to. And so just know that, be at peace, pray about it, and say, "God, give me the words to say and help me to be okay as I invite this person to church." But I want you to pull that card out, fill that out, and drop it in the bucket in the back. And if you are, have already done it, do it again. We want to keep seeing those names, okay? If you're like, "Hey, I did this two weeks ago." That's okay, still do it, fill it out, drop it in the back. Well, I'm looking forward to next week, I'm looking forward to what God is going to do in the series in our church, and what he's going to do on Easter and beyond. So looking forward to next week as Pastor Chris is going to share more about the mission and vision of Spring Valley. Hope you guys will join us for that. And again, stay after for that membership class right after.

So just pray with me this morning. God, thank you again for your word. Thank you for the church that you have given us. It is a gift that we have people that we can walk through life with, that we have a community that we can share in our belief in, and have common faith in you that you are the thing that unites us, that gives us life, that gives us love and grace to have on other people. God, thank you for how the church can support each other. I know that so many in this room feel the love from other people in this room who have gone through a hard time and other people in this church have prayed for them, have supported them, walked alongside them. God, I pray for those of us who are in a time right now, you would help us to be vulnerable and say, "Church, I need you." God, I pray that you would help those of us who have the capacity to be there for other people to live with the sacrificial love that says, "You know what? I was going to do this, but I'm going to go be there for this person. I'm going to show up." And God, I pray that you would put on all of our hearts an understanding of how important and vital it is to belong to a church. And I pray that you would help us in our belonging here at Spring Valley Church. Give you all the glory and all the praise. We pray this in your son's name. Amen.

Relationships 101: Part 4 - Workshop

Relationships 101 - Afternoon Workshop

Relationships 101: Part 3

Relationships 101 - Loving Others Jesus’ Way

SERMON TRANSCRIPT

My name is Corinne. Brodnicki and I have been here before. If I haven't met you, I would love to meet you at some point. I am a mom, that's what takes all of my time and most of my energy, and in the little bit I have after that, I am a therapist. Everyone always says, "What kind of physical therapist?" I don't know why that's the go-to. No, I am a marriage and family therapist. And then I also served as a pastor, gosh, it's been about a year, alongside Andre actually at the Hub. But I'm not really pastoring right now, so primarily a therapist. How's everyone doing? Anyone tired out here? You're smiling, so you're not tired, or you're faking it. For the last two weeks, one of my kids have a two and a four year old. We have a two and a four year old, have woken up with consistency. It's one or the other, coughing in the middle of the night, just like dry allergy cough. So every night I go to bed, I'm like, "God, please, please let no child wake up." And of course, the one that didn't wake up the night before wakes up. So I had a middle of the night wake up, but it's great. I always get an opportunity to pray. So I was able to pray for today and what God has for us. So I am privileged to be able to share part three of this relationship series. I want you to know I'm not an expert on relationships. I just probably have a lot more training than a lot of us, but we're all learning about relationships.

Relationships are without a doubt the most difficult thing that we'll ever do, right? Like engaging with people is difficult because people are sometimes difficult. So last, two weeks ago, Pastor Lauren talked about obedience and humility and how we need to encapsulate that in our relationships so that we can lead people to Christ. Chris then tackled that very large topic of boundaries and just really scraped off the top of that. We're going to talk about boundaries a little bit more in the workshop. And so now I have the privilege of coming in and saying, well, what else do we talk about relationships? Obviously not everything was covered. So we are going to talk about something that I'm not gonna tell you yet. So I wanna start with a little story. So growing up in some of you, like Cheryl and Kevin, knew me from the we days in my young life. People always said, "Gosh, you're so gregarious, "you're so outgoing, you just connect with people "so easily, you make friends easily." And I think without realizing it, I used that from middle school to really into college as this almost like yearly conquest to make a new best friend. So in the process of that, and I didn't realize it till college, in the process of that, I would literally dump a best friend at kind of the end of the year, maybe not even make it that far, move on to a new best friend, and then I would do that year after year. And it really was fun for me. I don't mean that in a, like, "Oh, I love hurting people." But it really filled me up because I had these new relationships and it was kind of this like new experience. And it wasn't until middle of college that I met my now best friend, and God just used her tremendously to help me grow from that. And it was from that point on that I really stopped that behavior. I -- and it was about that time that I started looking back and not actually about a year ago even, I messaged somebody from college and said, "I am so sorry for how I treated you." Somebody that loves people and wants to invest in people and wants people to be a priority. And I was just kind of like throwing people away at the end of the year, like I said, if that. And then what's so beautiful, this redemptive beautiful thing is I have a friend now and she came to a church event. We go to Crossroads and she said, and I spoke a little bit about kind of what I'm gonna talk about tonight. And she said, "You know, you are one of the best friends that I've ever had." And she's like almost 30. So that's a really large compliment. And in my head I said, "That's only because I'm trying to be like Jesus. It's not because I'm this wonderful person who just hasn't figured out. I'm very broken, just like the rest of us. But I'm just trying to be like Jesus." And I say that not to say, "Wow, look at me. I did it. I'm really good.”

I say that to show you that I want to share these things with you so that we don't have a trail of pain behind us like I did. And I'm really ashamed of that. I'm really ashamed of how I hurt people and I lost really good friendships because I just kind of tossed them out because I didn't value people enough. And so that's what I want to talk about today. But before we talk about that, let's talk about just relationships in general. So I mentioned this earlier, relationships are the best thing we have in our life and honestly the most difficult. Don't look at your kids or your spouse as I say that, right? So one minute, right, I said I have a two and a four year old, our four year old is a little more difficult than our two year old, and I'll look at him sometimes, I'll just look into his cute little face, which he is so cute, and people tell me that all the time I say he has to be or he wouldn't survive. And I look at him, I'm like, I couldn't love you anymore. And then I turn around, and then I go back, and he has the record player, and he takes the record off, and he double hand scratches it on the floor looking right at me. And I am a very calm, pretty low anger, pretty high anger tolerance, and I was so mad. It's like we can flash from, I can't even imagine loving anything more to, I don't know what love is, get in your room, right? And that's the same in all of our relationships. They're the most beautiful thing and the most difficult thing. And that's why we have to spend a lot of time talking about it. And that's why there's a whole job surrounded on helping people have healthy relationships. Jesus models relationship well, right? He doesn't do ministry alone. In fact, as he's going into ministry, he says, "Hey, I need some guys around me to," they pray for him, they support him, there's women that do the same, they pray and they support him. The Trinity, right? That's so intentional that God says, there's a Trinitarian reality to the Godhead. Even that is relational, right? Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Jesus exemplifies relationship. The whole essence of God is relationship, relationship with you, and then in turn relationship with one another. And yet, there's an epidemic, there's literally terms for it called the loneliness epidemic. One in four people identify as really lonely. And I was looking through a lot of statistics, and a lot of them were coming up from the COVID times, and I know we've moved outside of quarantine, but honestly, a lot of people, I think, still have the repercussions of that isolation time of quarantine. So one in four people, millions of people in the US have chronic loneliness. This is a UC Berkeley article, which is then associated with lower physical health, mental health, quality of life, higher levels of depression, anxiety, insomnia, suicidal ideation. And yet social connection is hardwired into our DNA, right?

We cannot survive well without social connection. Even if you're an introvert and you say, I wanna spend about three minutes of my day with a person, you still need connection. We still are wired to belong. I mean, it's just such a biological component for us. Another, from the University of Cambridge, so you know she's in England, so she's extra smart. She says, "Human beings need social connections to thrive, "and being embedded in strong supportive networks "can protect our well-being "when we're faced with difficulties in life." So loneliness leads to depression, anxiety, insomnia, all these negative things. Connection, and we're not talking Christians here. These are, well, maybe they're Christians, but they're not speaking from a Christian perspective. They're saying, and on the other hand, connection is what brings us together and contributes to well-being, right? So hopefully you're connecting with the reality that relationships are important. And I think that loneliness, and I don't think this is dramatic in saying, I think loneliness is kind of like an infection that slowly sneaks in. You might think, oh, I'm okay. And then eventually you're just like, I think I'm not okay. And I think Satan loves to use loneliness because it disconnects us from each other, obviously. And when we're disconnected from each other, we all of a sudden don't have that marker to know what's true and what's not true and lies feel true and we get confused and lost and I think it's one of Satan's greatest tools. But be encouraged because there is a cure for loneliness and that's authentic connection, right? Authentic relationship and healthy connection. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, your soul, your mind and your strength. Command one. And the second is this, love your neighbor as yourself. There is no command greater than this. He gave us two instructions, many instructions. But he says, all right, it comes down to these two, love God and love people. By the way, love your neighbor as yourself, so you have to love yourself as well. That's important too. Love God and love people. Okay, it's important. So how do we do that? How do we do that? Man, if we're gonna talk about Jesus and how He exemplifies loving others, we could talk about so many things, but I think there are three that I've kind of honed in on that maybe we need to be better at, myself included, we all need to be better at, that I think is kind of the key to showing people how Jesus loves. So those are, I always like to give you the answer right at the beginning, so if you want to go to sleep, now's your chance.

Okay, loving others like Jesus requires three things, vulnerability, perseverance, selfishness, among other things, but I I wanna talk about those three today. Okay, vulnerability. For some of you, you just got anxious, your heart dropped, you said, "Vulnerability is a dirty word. "It's scary to be vulnerable." It is very scary to be vulnerable because it is risky. Of course it's scary to be vulnerable because it's risky. You put yourself out there, you don't know what might happen. But down in a safe, mutual, healthy relationship, it's one of the greatest gifts that you can receive, right? a return on vulnerability. And I think Satan's been lying to us for so long. What if I get rejected? What if I'm misunderstood? What if I get hurt? What if no one loves me? Why waste time with vulnerability? I don't need to do that. I can figure stuff out on my own. But that's what leads to that isolation and loneliness that I just talked about is really unhealthy for us. Brene Brown, have anyone heard of Brene Brown? So she's a psychologist, well, she's a social worker actually and a writer, and she says, "Vulnerability," Oh, sorry, she says, vulnerability is uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. She also suggests that vulnerability is the birthplace of joy, creativity, and belonging. To find joy, creativity, and belonging, you must face shame and fear, right? So if we want vulnerability, or if we want connection and health, we have to move through the discomfort of vulnerability. So how does vulnerability benefit us? Okay, I think it opens the door for three things. If you're a note taker, this is a great time to get out some notes. I think the first thing is vulnerability opens the door for others to know us and see us. And being known and seen is one of the greatest gifts that you can, I think, receive. Does anyone like the show The Chosen? And people don't just like the chosen. Usually when you talk about the chosen, you guys must be asleep. Because people are like, oh, the chosen. Like, it's such a beautiful depiction of the personhood of Jesus. And I think what people truly, if I've kind of like really put my psychology hat on, what I think people really love is that Jesus sees people. Like, he stops and he looks and he connects and there's love and compassion in his eyes. Because when we are seen, we can, And again, in a safe relationship, man, that opens the door for so much. We have this biological need to be seen because being seen, I think, is the beginning of connection. Depth of relationship, aka intimacy, is directly correlated with the level at which you let others in, right? We all have, we have people we just kind of say hi to, we have acquaintances, we have deep friends, We have best friends, we have spouses, right? It's a continuum. And I am not the same level of intimacy. I'm not talking about physical intimacy. I'm talking about emotional intimacy. I'm not the same level of emotionally intimate with my husband or my best friend that I am with you guys that I haven't met really, right?

Because the more open I am with people, the more open they will hopefully be and the more connected we can be, the deeper our relationship. and it's the depth of relationship we're going for. We're not just going for, I have a room, I have a hundred friends. How many times have you heard someone say, "I'm in a room with people and I've never felt lonelier." So it's not about the number of people, it's about the depth of that connection, which is precipitated by authentic vulnerability. So it lets others know us and see us. Number two, it allows others to care for us and meet our needs. If you don't open up, no one will ever know what you might need and know how to help you. So this last couple months, I have been going through some eye issues. If you've seen me before and you're like, something's different, I can't quite figure it out. I have glasses right now. And I've been going through all these like, what's going on? Is it this? Is it that? I mean, all the way to the point where I had a brain MRI just to make sure nothing was going on, significant, which thankfully nothing is. And I had so many people praying for me. And you get to a point, I think, in desperation where you're like, I will tell you anything because I just want prayer. And I had a friend recently say, "Gosh, but you're just like good at being vulnerable." I'm like, "That's born out of desperation for healing. Like that's born out of a desperation for like, I want to be healed. I want God to move. I want these things more than I care about looking stupid." And I think we need to get to that point sometimes when it comes to others being able to meet our needs. And unless we open up, they will not be able to meet our needs. And third, vulnerability opens the door to personal growth.

Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, "so one person sharpens another." When we're vulnerable, we're admitting we don't know it all. We're admitting we haven't figured it all out, and we're saying, "Can you come and help me? "Can you fill the gaps in the areas "where I don't know what I'm doing, "I don't know what I'm talking about, I need more help." And I wanna say this, growth often follows confession. Confession is another one of those words that's like, But confession is a form of vulnerability. In fact, the Bible says, "Make this your common practice. "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other "so you can live together whole and," let's do that one more time, "whole and." So confession proceeds, I'm not saying this is the only thing, but confession significantly proceeds healing and wholeness. And confession is a form of vulnerability. It's coming to someone saying, "I need help. "I have a problem. "I don't know it all. can you help fill my gap? Can you help me? Can you teach me? Can you help me grow? And in that we can grow. So if you're hearing all this and you're saying, "Ah, I hear you, I think that's really good, "but vulnerability, it's not really my thing, "or I don't wanna do it, "or I've had to have this protective wall." By the way, there's a reason you've had a protective wall and you don't wanna be vulnerable. To protect yourself. But I'm saying when you have a wall, nothing can get in, which is good, but nothing good can get in either. And so if vulnerability is hard for you, start somewhere, practice, share some feelings with somebody, share a heart thing, share a dream, a goal. It doesn't have to be ooey gooey feelings all the time. Vulnerability is the range of things. Could be, I love you because, you're so wonderful because. That's vulnerability, I'm opening my heart to somebody else. And I'll say this too, for those of you that just lean a little more naturally open book, a little more naturally vulnerable, lead by example. A lot of times in relationships, I would say I'm probably more vulnerable naturally than my husband. And so a lot of times I think, hopefully this is true, a lot of times I will be the first to lead and say, here's where I'm at, here's how I'm feeling. And I think that opens the door to kind of invite that from him too. So if you're somebody that's just naturally more vulnerable, keep doing that because it's a great model for other people. Okay, that was only one point. Are we still, we're still here?

Loving others like Jesus requires vulnerability, perseverance, selfishness. So I'm gonna keep saying that so I can get it really good in that brain there. Okay, number two, perseverance. So perseverance requires consistency and loyalty. Or sorry, reliability. And in that, we're talking about loyalty. So have you guys heard this term cancel culture? We live in this cancel culture, which I didn't really know what that means. Basically what it means is you do one thing that someone doesn't like, or a couple of things that people don't like, and you're canceled, your podcast is done, your show is over, whatever other things you're doing, done. It might be one thing. And we live in this culture where it's like, "Nah, done with that, moving on, done with that, moving on." We're really quick to dispose of people, or dispose of things. But Proverbs 17, 17 says something very opposite. It says, "A friend loves at all times." And a brother is born from a time of adversity. "A friend loves at all times." It's not conditional on are they annoying you this week. All times. And now, really quick, I just wanna say, there are times where a healthy goodbye is necessary. I'm not saying keep toxic people in your life. That's good. That's not what the Bible is saying. But the Bible is saying don't quit on people because it's hard. Follow through. How many times have you said, someone's like, oh, this is what I'm going through. You're like, I'll pray for you. And you never do. It's like the simplest thing. You could pray right then. You could be like, okay, done. And yet we don't do it. We don't even do that. Myself included. Call people, text them, maybe you even think about somebody and you're like, "Well, I really should reach out to them." Just do it. But we don't. So I think we need to be a little more persistent. Like my son, who is the most persistent in everything he ever does, what did he ask for yesterday at 9 o'clock? Do you remember? Ice cream. Mom, can I have ice cream? Probably four times before 10 o'clock, mom, can I have ice cream? because he got ice cream the night before. So let's be persistent for people and for relationships like my son is persistent for his ice cream. You're probably gonna, that's the only thing you're gonna remember from today, some of you. And don't wait, don't wait for people to initiate. Just initiate, just initiate. Sometimes we're like, "Oh, I don't know if anyone likes me. "I don't know if anyone cares about me." Just initiate. It's not, I know it's sometimes like emotionally difficult, but it's generally not that difficult to send a text and say, "Hey, I'm thinking about you. How are you doing?" "Oh yeah, you told me this thing last Sunday that you're going through some..." "Let me text her and check in on that." Or him and check in on that. How many times do we see Jesus being the initiator? Sometimes people are coming to him, of course, but he goes to the woman at the well and says, "Hey, I want to meet with you." And there's so many other stories where Jesus models that. Initiate with people in persistence. I think just way too often people are waiting for someone to initiate. Like no one cares about me. No one loves me. Man, I've heard that so many times, which is totally a lie. So let's do the opposite. Let's be people who stick around and we don't just give up on other people when it's boring or hard or exactly what I said at the beginning, what I used to do to people. Maybe it got a little boring. Maybe there was a new, more interesting person. Man, that's not how Jesus loved.

And then the second part of this is persisting through conflict. Another word people often don't like. And people say like, oh, we don't have any -- when I meet with a couple or a person and they say, we really don't have any conflict in our relationship, I'm like, something's wrong. Conflict is normal and healthy. We're living in a relationship with another person who is very different from us, Very different from us. And we're trying -- that was my husband on the screen, if you don't know. And we're trying to figure out how do we do life together when we are so different. My husband loves to be quiet and do alone things and sit and ponder. And he's very smart and gets deep, deep, deep into his brain. And I'm like, let's have fun. Let's be together. Let's just do fun all the time. So we have to, right, figure that out. There's conflict in that almost every weekend trying to kind of navigate that. But that's good because that allows us to grow. And I think, I want to think about it this way. Instead of running away from conflict in relationships, let's run together into conflict. We're not fighting each other, we're fighting a problem. Clark and I are fighting, not even fighting, we're working to try to figure out how do we manage this difference in personality. We're not against each other. So let's be in it with people. Let's come into conflict rather than run away because we don't want to. Like let's just not be conflict avoiders. We don't need to do that. And with that I think comes forgiveness. We need to be people who forgive. Colossians 3:13 says, "Bear with each other and forgive one another. And if any of you has a grievance against someone, forgive as the?" You guys are doing really good. Let's do that one more time. "Forgive as the Lord." Okay. So as the Lord forgives us, we should also forgive other people. And that is gonna help us through conflict, right? Remember who Jesus says is the rock? And you will be my church, you will lead my church. Remember that guy? Also, his Peter denied Jesus three times. And still, Jesus said, you're gonna lead my church. I'm gonna forgive you for that, and you're gonna lead my church, right? If Jesus can do it, we can definitely do it for these things that people do. And by the way, forgive us, Sometimes we have this misconception like, forgiveness means I'm letting you off the hook. No, forgiveness means I'm letting me free of the bondage of whatever that was and saying, you can work out your stuff, I'm done, I'm free of this. And lastly, in that kind of like pouring out grace, I think persistence means, or sorry, I keep saying the wrong word, perseverance means pouring out grace, pouring out grace, pouring out grace. That doesn't mean we say it's fine what you did, It just means I have grace for what you did, now let's grow together. When someone hurts you, you don't say, oh, I have grace, no big deal. It's I have grace for your growth, right? So we wanna persevere through those ways, with consistency, reliability, conflict, and with forgiveness wrapped up in that.

So loving others like Jesus requires vulnerability, perseverance, and? - Selfishness. - Selfishness. Who likes that word? Oh yeah, that was a good test. Selflessness, sorry, woo! That is wrong, selflessness, yeah. Because love requires action. We see this in 1 John, it says, "If anyone has material possessions "and sees his brother in need, but has no pity on him, "how can the love of God be in him? "Let us not love with words or tongue, "but with actions and in truth." We have to love with action, right? We have to love with action, and that starts with making sacrifices. And we're gonna talk about boundaries, like I mentioned, another teaser. That doesn't mean we abandon ourselves fully to make sacrifices for other people. That doesn't mean we just do whatever anyone else wants, even if we don't have the capacity for it. None of that is what that means. What that means is, I'm willing to make sacrifices for other people. We're all busy, but we make times for things we prioritize. When I hear people say, "I'm too busy for that." No, you're not too, you might not, you might be, you're probably not too busy for that, you're probably just prioritizing things differently. Who here, all right, I'm gonna do a thumb rating, this is what I do when I teach. Who here would say, "Exercise is important." This is yes, hmm, no. Exercise is important, I'm just asking, exercise is important. Okay, who would say they invest that same level of energy and how important it is in actually doing it. My husband is a personal trainer, so he does, but he's about the only one. Right, so we're not, is it because it's, are we not exercising because it's not important? No. Oftentimes it's 'cause we're not making it a priority. Usually, and if you need any tips on exercising, just talk to my husband, that was unplanned. But usually, right, we can find a couple minutes here or there to do something, move our bodies, right?

So again, it's not a matter of, is it not important? It's a matter of we're not prioritizing it. And I think the same is true when it comes to sacrificing for other people. And I had this idea, like, what if we all kind of took a time inventory of our day and our week and our month? Where are we spending all that time? Like, what does our agenda say about our priorities? We often talk about that with money. What is my checkbook or my debit card or my bank statement? What does that say about my priorities? I would say, what is your agenda, what does your calendar say about your priorities? And maybe that needs to be adjusted. I know for sure I can make adjustments there. So if anyone wants to watch my kids so I can take care of other people, I would really enjoy that. And maybe it's as simple as like, let's just try to serve one person a day, just in a simple way. Let me just buy the coffee of the person behind me in the drive-through or find a creative way to love somebody or serve them in action. And then we also have to practice humility. Philippians 2, what a beautiful verse talking about Jesus's humility. He literally was God, and yet he took on the very nature of a servant so that he could one, model that for us, but two, because he loves us. But I also want us to be mindful of our own needs too, right? Like we also have our own needs. It's not selfish to take care of yourself. So we need to be humble, but also there's a reality of like we have needs too. It wasn't until I had kids and I started taking them on planes that I realized this, when a flight attendant comes by, so we've all heard this, like, put on your mask before you, put on the mask of somebody else, right? But when you're on a plane and you have littles, they will walk up to you, they will look at you, they will say, "Ma'am, you gotta put your mask on first before I..." Every time I've heard it. Because they want you to really know, because they know you're a mom, what you're gonna wanna do is fling that mask on to one of your kids first. But right, like we have needs too and we have to take care of our needs so that we can pour out well for other people. Again, we're going to talk about them down when we talk about boundaries later. And then I think we also, another way that we can be selfless is to celebrate other people. Especially when they have things we want. This is really hard. And it's okay to grieve if there's something you want and you don't have it yet. But we also need to be celebratory of other people, especially other people in the kingdom. Because the reality is we are all on the same team. We're all on the same team, and God gives us all really different gifts and abilities. And so we need to celebrate with other people in that. First Thessalonians says, "Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up just as in fact you are doing." What a great way to love other people, celebrate with them.

All right, loving others like Jesus requires vulnerability, perseverance and selflessness. So I have a couple of questions on here. At Crossroads, we always do this end of service worship time I didn't know that wasn't happening. So what I would encourage you to do, Shelley could you pop that next one up? You can put them all up. If you would be willing to write them down or maybe take a picture of it, what I know without fail is if we don't have kind of an action step, you're gonna go and you're gonna say, that was really great. I learned some things by lunchtime, you're gonna be like, "Yeah, I don't remember any of them," which is fine. That is not a reflection of anything other than we are humans and we forget things. But I do know that God wants to grow us and growth requires action. So here's some questions to kind of guide you based on those three points. And maybe an area you could find, maybe I can really work on this one thing to be a better friend, partner, parent, so that I can be more vulnerable, more persevering, and a little more selfless in my relationships. You can keep that up, Shelly, till we're done. Because we have to model this as Christians, because the world, this hurting world is desperate, just like my friend, not a Christian that I mentioned earlier, desperate for healthy relationships. And again, I'm not perfect, I don't do it great, but I just try to be like Jesus. And so if we can do that, what a message that is to the world. Lauren said this, Pastor Lauren said this a couple of weeks ago she said we're called to point others to Christ in all our relationships and what better way to do that than through relationships marked by vulnerability, perseverance, and selflessness. So pray, pray, pray. Let me pray, let me pray and then Chris is gonna give us some instructions for after.

So Lord we come before you, we are grateful for, gosh, that you display the love first. You show us how things go. You show us what is important. You show us how to love. You show us how to be vulnerable, persevering, and selfless. And so I pray that as we go to lunch or home or to the workshop or wherever we're going, Lord, that we will take one step to being a better partner, a better friend, a better parent, employee, so that we can exemplify these wonderful qualities and lead people closer and closer to you. Amen.

Relationships 101: Part 2

Relationships 101 - Boundaries in Relationships

SERMON TRANSCRIPT

Excited to be here today to teach and to continue in our new relationship series that we kicked off, Pastor Lauren did last week. And our heart and desire in this is really what it says, is a refresher course that we all need. 'Cause the reality is that we all have relationships. We all, excuse me, we all, wow. We all work and have relationships in our life. And Pastor Lauren did a great job last week kicking us off, talking about this idea of humility and obedience in our relationships within Christian community. and that our relationships are really about encouraging and spurring one another on towards holiness, to allow God to transform not us alone, but also our relationships. And I'm gonna talk a little bit more on that this week, but she left us with a really good question last week. And I don't know about you, I wrestled with this one and it really stuck with me, but she left us with this question of who is on the throne of your heart? Who is the one that's sitting there? Who is the one that has control? Who is the one that we think about the most? Who is the one that decides our decisions or is the one that influences our priorities? Who is that one? And I think for us, this really influences how we have relationships.

And today I'm gonna be really talking about boundaries in our relationships. And what does it mean to be, have boundaries in our relationships? Whether that's with people who are believers and those who call themselves Christians within the church or those who have yet to become believers or haven't made that decision yet for Jesus. How do you have boundaries in relationships and what does all of that look like? We all have different types of relationships in our life, whether it's family, whether it's friends, maybe those you have close friends or maybe you just have acquaintances, maybe you have close friends that you used to have. So you might consider them former close friends, whatever has happened, maybe season of life, distance, things have changed. Maybe you're in a new season where you have new friends in your life and you're trying to figure out kind of where you are with them and where things stand. We have work colleagues, we have neighbors, we have church friends here and in the world of the church, we have those in our lives who are somewhere easy to talk with. Some are hard to talk with. Some are kind of maybe get defensive if we start talking about something real heavy or maybe they're just, their maturity isn't there compared to where your maturity might be. And maybe your maturity isn't where their maturity might be. We have these different unspoken expectations, right? We have these within our family cultures, our social circles, our work environments. And sometimes our personalities are just different. Some of us are fine with conflict. And some of us, I just said that word and it made you uncomfortable inside. And you run far and fast as quick as you can from any sort of conflict. And that's okay, I'm right there with you. I struggle with it. But some of us are introverted and we just don't have enough juice to be around people. And we only last so long where some of us, we thrive on being around people. And if you were to lock us into a room, we would die inside. And some of us, if you're like me, you're split 50/50. Somehow God decided I'm gonna put half of introvert and half extrovert in there, have fun. And life is all crazy.

But when we look at relationships, we all have them. And on this topic of relationships within boundaries, it's one that I get asked about a lot as a pastor. People come to me with life and family situations and work situations and you're like, "You're a pastor, what does God want me to do in this place?" And some people are really good about asking boundary questions and others, they just kind of go, "Here's my life." And they're asking about, what does it mean to have a boundary in this space? But they don't even know what boundaries are or how do you even use that word? Or they don't even know sometimes the questions to ask. And so we're gonna take some time to talk about these today. And again, Pastor Andre mentioned it, but I'm gonna mention again, if there's anything, any questions that come up as you guys are sitting here and even next week, write them down, drop them off. If you go on our website, right at the top, it talks about register for the workshop. If you click on that button right at the top of our website, takes you to a page where you can register, but it also takes you to a place where you can submit one of these anonymously to ask a question as well. So you're like, hi pastor, I'm not right now, I don't think about it, but during the week, you're like, I got one. Go to our website, check that out, write that down.

But the big resource, I'm gonna talk a lot about focus on scripture today. We're gonna be going through a lot of different verses and kind of helps us in our relationships and boundaries. But if you wanted a resource to kind of further and go a little bit deeper, I'd recommend this book called "Boundaries." It's written by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. This book has probably, if you've been around maybe in this world, you've seen this before. And this is an incredible, incredible book. They're both psychiatrists and they go into some great depth and study of what maybe the next practical step. And I would even encourage you, if you find yourself in that place, make an appointment, go talk to a Christian counselor, talk with somebody who could help equip you and give you some tools. That's why we're bringing Corinne in next week. She's a licensed marriage and family therapist. She has more tools and resources than, I mean, We all know how smart Pastor Andre is who gave the announcements. He's so smart, but he just doesn't have that extra training that Corrine does and that's why we're bringing her in next week. But this boundaries and they even have like boundaries in marriage book, they have a boundaries with kids, boundaries in dating, boundaries for leaders. I mean, they've taken this boundaries thing and multiplied it out into all sorts of different situations. So if you want a resource to check out, I'd highly recommend this book. But here's the reality on boundaries. We got another 20 minutes or so together. And I don't have enough time to even scratch the surface when it comes to boundaries and relationships. We were playing in the series and boundaries kind of fell on my lap for Pastor Chris to talk about. And I was like, you want me to do that in like 25 minutes? Like how do you even begin to do that?

And so, but I really want to first, when we think of boundaries, we initially think of other people, right? We think about maybe the people in our life who, there's a little too much drama. there's a little, maybe some natural toxicity. Maybe there's just like, we just don't mesh. We just don't, we just not feeling it. And so I got to put a boundary up. I got to put a boundary and I'm going to keep them over there and that's going to allow me to live my life over here. But I kind of want to flip that on our head a little bit. I want to first talk about boundaries. I want to start with ourselves. 'Cause the reality is we can't control everybody around us. Right? We try to sometimes, but we can't. But what can we control? We can control ourselves. We can control our own choices. We can control our own actions. We can control our priorities. Who's on the throne of our heart. We can control those things. And so I love what the Psalmist says in Psalm 19:7-11. He says, "The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul. The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple. The precepts of the Lord are right. Rejoicing the heart, the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes. The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever. The rules of the Lord are true and righteous altogether, more to be desired than gold, even much fine gold, sweeter also than honey in the drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover, by them is your servant warned and keeping them there is great, great reward." I think when thinking about our relationships and thinking about those in our lives, the question first comes to us as Lauren set up, Pastor Lauren last week, of keeping God the center of your life. The first and foremost thing, when talking about relationships and setting up boundaries and having those in our lives, is really to put God first always. And you might think, well, pastor, that really doesn't help me in my relationships, but it does. And we'll get there, okay? We're gonna fully get there in the next few minutes. But when we center our lives on Christ, when the number one priority is the number one thing and the number one top priority in our life is God. Everything else flows out of that. Everything that we do, everything that we say, how we act, what we spend our money on, how we live our lives, how our attitudes are, how we love other people. If it's first centered in Jesus, then everything is in its order and will rightly flow out from there.

Before we even think about talking our relationships around us, we first need to have a DTR with God. If you don't know what DTR is, is a term that means defined relationship. You might've heard it in days of your dating, that you would be in serious trouble sometimes when that significant other goes, "We need to have the DTR." And you're like, "Oh no, this isn't gonna go well." But you need to have the DTR with God. You need to figure out who is on the throne of your heart. And I love what this Psalmist says. It talks about the life that is led when God is first. Did you catch all that? It says, when God is first in our life, we have God's perfection. We have His testimony. We have His precepts, His commandments, His righteousness becomes our righteousness. When we focus on living the way that God has called us and His perfect will, it leads us to a place of enlightenment, of everlasting rejoicing. Something more that is to be desired than gold. And not just gold, fine gold. I'm talking about that 18-carat legit gold. And none of that fool's gold or all that stuff you can find when you go up to the foothills And you see that shimmer in the water, you go, "I found it again, it's here. Sutter forgot about it, he left it just for me." No, I'm talking about the legit, most precious thing in the entire world. And when we put God in his rightful place, there is great reward. The Psalmist says, "Makes wise the simple." Man, I need wisdom every day from God in my life. And it's hard to be found, it's hard to learn, and sometimes it takes going through some really, really bad situations until you come on the other side. Do we learn wisdom? It's there for us to revive our soul. It's God's perfection in our lives.

And this is only accomplished when we allow and keep Jesus the center of our life. How do we do this? Joshua 1:8 says, "The book of the law or the Bible, God's word, shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous and then you will have good success. There is so much in life that this book talks about. The question is, are we reading it? Jesus and God gave us this word to help us guide our life, to make the right decisions and make the right choices, to help us figure out how these messy relationships in life, how we're supposed to navigate those. I remember the days of MapQuest, or actually even before that, Thomas Brothers. And if you know Thomas Brothers, it was a giant book and it just had all of the interstates across the United States. It's a map, an old school paper map. Thankful we don't have to use those anymore. But technology kind of developed a little bit where we got MapQuest, right? You could print off directions. See with the Thomas Brothers, they didn't give you any directions. I'm here, I wanna go here. How? Here, okay, go here, go over here. And then they had little arrow markers and you'd have to add up the distance and then you'd have to do the math in your head. And then if there's an accident, You just never knew when you were gonna get to your destination. Then MapQuest came out, and then I remember, we probably were all there, where you took time to get on the computer, dial up, (imitates dial-up) and then you would put in your original spot and your destination, you'd look at it, and you'd go, "Sweet," and then you'd be in the car 10 minutes down the road, and you'd go, "I didn't click print." You're like, "No!" You're like, "Okay, can I figure this out, "or do I have to turn around?" Is anybody home called the landline? hopefully nobody's on the internet. So then someone can answer the phone. You're like, "Hey, can you just read me those directions on MapQuest? The web browser is still open." And you just chicken scratch, write it down real quick and hope that your palms don't get too sweaty 'cause you're like, "Was that a left or was that a right?" And now we live in a world where we just boop on our phones, pop in. I do all this time. I pop in my car, throw my phone up on the mount and it sometimes will say, "Would you like directions home?" Even before I say anything, I'm like, who's following me?

But this is God's word, but it's the old school kind of Thomas Brothers map quest. You gotta print it out, you gotta make sure it's a priority, you gotta take time for it, you gotta focus in on it, you gotta make it a priority. Yes, we have Bible apps on our phone and they're great. Sometimes we'll get notifications, "Hey, haven't read the Bible today," or, "Hey, here's YouVersion's verse of the day." Those are great, but it takes time to focus in on them because we have to keep Jesus the center of our life. I love what that verse said. "Make your way prosperous and you will have good success." Does anyone wanna have success in their life? I do. I wanna have success in my life, but it starts with answering the question, who is the center of our life? And I wanna have success in my relationships. I wanna have success with my family. I wanna have success with my church family. I wanna look back and go, when we followed God's word together and look where it took us. We kept Jesus the center of our church. We kept Jesus the center of our vision and our mission. We kept Jesus number one and look what God did. But we have to ask Jesus to direct our lives, to direct our choices, to direct our heart.

We have two types of relationships in this world. If you were to divide into two categories, you have two types. One would be those who are believers, those who would call themselves a follower of Jesus, that their priority is to be a disciple of Him, to learn from Him, to grow in Him, to live their life like Him. And then you would have those who are yet to make that decision. We have those who are yet to make the choice for Jesus. And in our lives, there's characteristics of both of them that are similar. And there's characteristics of them that are different. We're gonna go a little bit deeper in that, but I first wanna talk about how are they similar? Well, both of these relationships we should have a heart for. We should have a heart and desire to have relationships with those who are believers, those who are in the church and those in our lives that haven't met Jesus yet. We can't put up boundaries and go, oh, they just don't believe that they're not following Jesus, that I don't have a relationship with them. It's actually quite the opposite when we look at the words of Jesus, and if we were to not have relationships with those who haven't chosen Jesus yet, the gospel would never spread. Whoever shared Jesus with you, if they had lived that way, you would not know about Jesus because of that relationship. And we should be actively seeking both of them in our lives. Because if we have Jesus on us and we have the promise of the Holy Spirit that's been given to us, we are a light. And each and every one of us is called to take that light wherever we go, where we live, our neighbors, our family, where we learn at work and maybe school, where we play, the things we do that are fun. Maybe it's going to the gym, maybe it's going to the coffee shop, maybe it's going out and playing disc golf, maybe it's going out and doing all sorts of different things. We take Jesus with us. And we are called to be a light to that world. See, I can't go and be at your job. I might be able to pop in and say hi, or if we were to grab coffee or lunch, you could take me by your work and I can meet some of your coworkers, but they're not gonna listen to me. I don't live in your house. Some of you I'd like to, you can really, God, it's got some really nice setups. But I don't live in your house. I don't have your neighbors. You have your neighbors. I don't go to your school. I don't go and sit where you eat lunch. I'm not in those places, but you are. And you have Jesus with you where you go. I remember one of the first sermons that I preached here, I had this bucket of water and I was just splashing it everywhere. My Bible still, there's one section that has just all these watermarks in it. But I had this analogy of this sponge and I said like, the water is God and we are a sponge. And when we pursue Jesus, we soak up him and then we take Jesus wherever we go. And there's little droplets of Jesus that go everywhere. You leave a little wet spot of Jesus with everybody you come in contact with every single day. Hopefully you're not just like, psh, on top of their head. And maybe it's just a little spritzy spritz, missed. But that's our calling. And if we didn't have relationships within and without of the church, we wouldn't have the opportunity to share Jesus with those people.

Jesus showed us the ultimate example of this, right? We read his account and the stories of how he lived his life. He ate with believers. He ate with the outcasts, which was so forbidden. He cared for those who actively lived a life in direct opposition of who he was and who he represented. And he loved those in his tightest circle, his 12 disciples with the fiercest love. He did not let their judgment or their perspective from either side sway or influence his choice in his calling that he had from God the Father. And then we have relationships that are different. The biggest one in these, the difference between these two camps would be the level of influence. I had a saying my parents gave me growing up, was the friends we choose help us win or lose. And it doesn't mean that you can only, you should only choose friends that help you win, but it's the level of influence that's the determining factor. And this is easier because when we're in the church, we should share the same vision and mission to share the gospel, to grow in Christ, to make disciples that should be shared. That's very easy, common shared thought.

But in the Christian and those who are yet to become believers, should somewhat be a one-way street. The way that we live our lives is different than those outside of the church, right? If we call ourselves Christians, we should be different. If we're trying to actively follow Jesus the way He's called us to live our lives, we should look different than the world around us. Our choices, our priorities, our morals, our ethics, our language, our mindset, our generosity should be different than that of the world around us. It doesn't mean we can't learn or grow in friendship or begin to understand more or or even care for one another, or that we can't be there for each other in thick or thin. The difference here is influence. These relationships should be in a way that when they look at their relationships with those who are believers and those who are non-believers being outside the church, Do we look the same as those who are yet believers in their life? Does that make sense? When maybe your friend who doesn't go to church looks at the friends in their lives, they see you and then they maybe see another friend of theirs who doesn't go to church either, do we look different than their other friend? I hope we do. We should. Again, to be that shining light of Jesus, to leave a little wet spot of God on their lives when we interact. Jesus should be the center, not only of our lives, but the center of lives of relationships of those who call themselves believers. This one, this is a little hard sometimes because unfortunately there has been, since the beginning of the church and the time in the life of Jesus, People are going to try to leverage and manipulate this shared faith in Christ to their own advantage. It's called church hurt. And it flows through the church like an epidemic. And it breaks my heart. This is when those healthy boundaries in Jesus come into place. And I'm looking at some of you and I know your stories and you're saying, "Yep, I've been there." I've been hurt by someone who I thought was a fellow Christian, a brother or sister in Jesus sitting next to me every single Sunday. And one day they flipped a switch and my relationship was over and it was gone. And I was so confused because I thought we were all about Jesus together but they were in it for their own gain.

So how do we even begin to deal with that? How do we walk through that? Well, Philippians 4:8 Paul writes this great reminder for us "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there be any excellence, If there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Unfortunately, in the church, in our life, as we're dealing with people who are trying to figure out how to follow Jesus and are wrestling with their selfishness and wrestling with their life, we have to not let others pull us away from Christ. There's a difference between someone who is trying to force you into something and there's someone who is encouraging you to make the right biblical decision. So in this situation, real quick context, if someone tells you you should be in church more often, they're not forcing you to attend church. They're trying to encourage you to find yourself in a place where spiritual growth happens. But unfortunately, that's been manipulated in this world. Jesus was the incredible example again. Always pointing people to God time and time again, sitting with the disciples, helping them to try to learn and to grow. And even when they didn't get it, he didn't say, "Forget it, I'm out of here." No, he sat there with patience and compassion. And he is the example of the type of relationship that we have to have with one another, because ultimately it's about caring for one another and to growing to have this level of trust.

Maybe you've heard it before, the fruit of the Spirit out of Galatians. It says, "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, and against such thing there is no law." How are we speaking with one another? Is it covered in the fruit of the Spirit? The way we talk to each other, the way that we care for one another, the way that we love each other, is it covered in the fruit of the Spirit? Are we building bridges or are we breaking bridges? Because the idea and the hope and desire I believe that God has for his church is to create a place that is a judgment free zone because we're all at different levels in this growth of Jesus. We're all at different places trying to figure this stuff out and some of us are further along, some of us are brand new, some of us are still trying to figure out where the bathroom is at church. And that's okay. You never know what somebody is going through in life. You never know. I'm continuing to learn of the stories of life, of what people were walking this church and I am amazed. God is working some incredible things in your life. And some of you are in the thick of it. And I'm over here frustrated I get stuck in traffic on 65. We're all growing, we're all learning. People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. You've probably heard that before. Are we caring first before trying to throw some obscure Bible verse at them to tell them that they're not living their life perfect yet and yet we're over here not doing it?

Our Christian relationship should be centered in Jesus and we should point each other to Jesus every single day. It's called being a person of encouragement. Galatians 5:13 says, "For you are called to freedom, brothers and sisters, not only to use your own freedom as an opportunity for the flesh or what I want to do, but to serve one another in love." But being a person of encouragement is hard. And if they only understood how smart you really, really are, their whole life would be fixed, right? They only understood how much you truly know that you have all their problems figured out and fixed, their life too could be fixed. This is a hard lesson to learn in marriage. Laura and I had this saying that was given to us before we got married, and I tried to pass this on to other people. I had a buddy call me randomly a couple of weeks ago and said, "Dude, I will always remember what you said to me before I got married." And I was like, "Sorry, I don't know what I said." He's like, "No." He said, "You always told us, when my wife and I are frustrated or we're trying to figure out that I need to ask her the question, does she want to fix her or does she want a friend?" And he goes, "It's changed our marriage." I was like, "Whoa, I said something wise, cool." But this is true, my wife, Lauren and I, we have to constantly use this. And lately I'll admit, I've struggled with this, it's hard, but we'll be in a situation, I'll go, "Okay, babe, what do you want? You want a fixer or you want a friend?" And she goes, most of the time, she just wants a friend. She just wants someone to sit there and go, "Man, life is tough. And I'm going over here, you could fix this, you could do this, you could change this, you could change this." And she could look at me and go, "You need to change this, you need to fix that, you need to do that." But maybe we need to use that more in our relationships with one another. We come into church and we're like, "Man, life is, my week was hard. Okay, what happened? How can I fix it?" You're like, "No, no, no, no. I just wanna tell somebody, I got nobody else I can tell about this. Just need you to listen." And when she comes to me and says, "Hey, babe, I need a fixer." Let's go. I am pumped, fired up. I have a spreadsheet. I got a video presentation. I got YouTube help videos. I have four books and I have next steps available right now. Just call $19.95, your first payment. We will get you on our plan to perfection today. No.

But we have to be there for each other in a way of encouragement because this leads us as Romans 12:17 and eight says, "Repay no one evil for evil, but give thanks or but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all." All does not always include me. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Galatians 4, 15, "Rather speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the head into Christ. Just because we are believers doesn't mean we don't have to have spiritual boundaries with one another. Everybody's different. If we were all the same, it would be a room of robots. I don't like robots, unless they clean my floor, vacuum, move around. God's created us all different. We all have different, I have a pastor friend relationship that is phenomenal. I love the dude to death. He runs at a hundred miles an hour every single day. I don't. And he kills me. 'Cause he is flying, flying, flying, flying. And he is so extroverted. They need another word to describe who he is 'cause he is off the charts. And I am here split 50/50 where I can come up here, I can do this, this is great. But this afternoon I am done. Just do I am, that's how God made me. It's not 'cause I'm a bad pastor, it's just how God made me. But what's great about us is he's going so fast, he gets frustrated with me 'cause I'm slowing him down, but it's healthy for him to slow down, but it's also healthy for him to help me speed up 'cause sometimes I'll just sit in my introvertedness and go, "No, thank you, goodbye." But we compliment each other and we're better pastors because of it. That's how we should live our lives, having healthy conflict resolution, loving one another, caring for one another, but going the extra mile for each other. Sometimes we need to make the first move, even with boundaries. Sometimes we have to forgive others, even when they even haven't asked for our forgiveness. Not, "No, I'm trying to slap you in the face way. Oh, I forgive you." But to live the way that Jesus did. Healthy relationships and boundaries are not passive. There's something to be said about an active relationship, trying to fix it, trying to do what we can, but then still having that boundary, not as something to hide behind, but for us to help protect ourselves, but then also on the flip side, so I did everything I could. And what do we do at that point?

We pray. We pray for one another. Colossians 1:9 says this, "And so from the day that we have heard other people outside of this church in Colossae, we have not ceased praying for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will, God's will, in all spiritual wisdom," not personal earthly wisdom, God's spiritual wisdom, "and His understanding." 1st Thessalonians 5-11, "Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are during the Church in Thessalonica figured it out. Paul was excited about it, and he was saying, "Keep on doing it. "Don't stop praying for one another." Prayer is a powerful way to share the love of Christ towards others while still keeping boundaries. Others, people's crisis are not your crisis. We wanna be there for one another. We wanna love each other. But sometimes we need to go, I'm not being pulled into your drama, it's midnight. Let's talk in the morning. And that is okay. And you stop and you pray in that moment and you let the Holy Spirit lead and guide and direct on what you're supposed to do. Sometimes He's gonna tell you, nope, you need to go right now, even though it's midnight. I've been there. And sometimes he goes, "Nope, you need a good night's sleep because you need to be 100% there for your friend, your family, your loved one in the morning. And you going right now is not gonna help anything." You gotta listen to the Holy Spirit in prayer. So what do we do real quick? We're talking about those who are yet to become believers. You've heard that word, the phrase to be in the world, but not of the world. You might've heard that it comes from two different verses. Romans 12:2 says, "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Not minds of others, but your mind. "That by testifying, you may discern what is the will of God." What he's asking you to do. And all of that always is what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Jesus himself prays for his disciples just before he starts his journey to the cross. and he specifically praised this in John 17. So kind of put these two together, you'll get where it says in the world, but not of it. It says, Jesus says, "I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I, Jesus, am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world, just isolate them, put them by themselves and boundaries all around by themselves, no, but that you would protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctifying them by the truth. Your word is true. We talked about that. And as you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world also.”

This tells us from the words of Jesus that we cannot completely self isolate and shut off everybody in all these relationships in our life if they are not founded and founded in Jesus. But it does talk about this work when it comes to boundaries in these relationships of like I said before, not letting others pull you away from Christ, keeping God priority, keeping Him number one, keeping your church attendance, keeping your scripture reading, keeping your prayer, keeping your quiet time, keeping your Christian disciplines, keeping your time with Jesus, sitting in his presence going, "God, how do you wanna form and change "and make me more into who you are "and what is my calling today for you?" Keeping your Christian relationships and keeping your relationships and family a priority. You were not created to be a doormat. God didn't create you to be a doormat. Yes, Jesus tells us to go the extra mile and even the extra mile beyond that, but you can also share the love of God with those without being physically, mentally, emotionally and verbally abused. Hear me out. And if you find yourself in this place trying to navigate a really tough situation, I would encourage you to go meet with a Christian counselor who also is a follower of Jesus, who also knows the word of God, who also is in their life trying to walk in the way that God has called them. And they can guide and direct because some of this stuff gets so nuanced and so messy and so hard, but there's people in this world, even including Pastor Andrei and myself, that if we can walk with you in this, we want to help you to become who God has called you to be. but you have to set up boundaries within that.

Jesus tells us that honestly, when we signed up to be a follower of Jesus, that that stuff was gonna come at us, right? We're gonna have trials, we're gonna have tribulations, we're gonna have hardships, we're gonna face tough things in our relationships because you and I have said yes to Jesus and the world doesn't understand that. It's not the world's fault, they just don't understand. And so it's not for us to close them off, but then also for us to live in this healthy place because ultimately the reality is that Jesus has already won. Amen? We just celebrate that a few weeks ago on Easter. He has risen, He has already won. He has already taken on the greatest enemy of death and He has won. And in that we get to share His victory. So you and I don't have to be preoccupied with how we have to figure this thing out or to have the final word because that's Christ's job. And in our relationships, we're still called to be an encouragement. Whether we're outside the church or inside the church, we should look different to the world around us and how we are ourselves. And not in like the obnoxious way of like that friend who just started like that new hobby or diet or exercise or vacation plan or brand new car, sometimes it feels like. But in a way that is loving and is caring and has the Holy Spirit covered in it in a way that is just the peace of God follows you wherever you go kind of influence, right? Covered in love, grace, mercy, kindness, joy, fruits of the Spirit. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Everything that we do and say and our actions should be covered in the fruit of the Spirit. We should be like that messy jello salad that grandma brought to every Thanksgiving meal. And when we do all of this and we live in this place where we love God and we put Him first, where we do God's will and He has the purpose for our lives and we're a person of encouragement, it leads us to the place where we do the things that glorify God. And that's ultimately what's about. That in our relationships that people would see Jesus. I don't have it figured out, I'll figure it out. Pastor Andrei doesn't have it all figured out. Every pastor doesn't have it all figured out. They might have a few more miles on their tires, but none of us have figured out. We're not gonna figure it out till we see Jesus. But what we can do is we can be intentional along the way. We can be intentional in the way that we use our words, how we encourage each other, how we have our actions, how we love one another. Because being in a relationship with Jesus and relationship with those around us is active, not passive. That's the way that God has called us to live our lives.

Let's pray. Jesus, thank you for this morning. God, so grateful for your word and your reminder for us to step in and to follow the calling that you have for us. And God, I'm so thankful that you've given us your word as we've read so many scriptures today that you would continue to guide us, that you would continue to lead us, that you have equipped us with those of us who have called Jesus our Lord and Savior, and we have the Holy Spirit on us. You have given us everything that we need to live this life here on earth with relationships that are glorifying to you, that have healthy boundaries, that live in a space where we care for one another, even if we're from afar through prayer, God, that we are are living in a life that gives glory to you, Jesus, that you would look down on our relationships, whether we're inside the church or outside the church, God, and you would just smile because you would just see how much your goodness, your love and your mercy is being shown in our communities wherever we go. So Jesus, I would pray for us this week to think about our relationships, that we would be intentional, that we would be active, that we would think about, God, how do you wanna use this relationship to give glory to you? And that God, we would have healthy boundaries, not to shut us off from those who we don't like, or we don't wanna be around them, or they're not a Christian yet, so I can't be around them. No, God, that we would use these spaces and these moments to give you glory, even if that means all we do is pray for them. You tell us in your scripture to pray for our enemies. God, are we praying for our enemies? Jesus, work in our heart, work in our lives this week. We're excited for what you're gonna do in our relationships. We look forward to next week, coming back together. Jesus, we love you, we praise you, we thank you. Everybody said Amen.

Relationships 101: Part 1

Relationships 101 - Marriage & Singleness

SERMON TRANSCRIPT

We're heading into a relationship series. Tell me you're married without telling me you're married. when you show up to church in the same color. (audience member speaks off microphone) Generally unintended. We were getting dressed this morning, we're like, "Uh, this wasn't planned." That's okay, it's appropriate, 'cause we're talking about relationships today. We took a break from our Philippians series to have Palm Sunday and Easter. We will be heading back into that here in a few weeks, but we are doing our Relationships 101 series, as you've heard this morning, and we are just so excited about this. This has been something that's been on our hearts for a while and just something that we think is really valuable that we can all glean something from. We're all in relationships of some shape or form, right? So we can all grow in this area. So we're gonna be kicking off today talking about relationships in general and also I'm gonna be touching on marriage and singleness. And then Pastor Chris is gonna come in next week and hit on boundaries in relationships. Yes, believers can have boundaries, it's good. And then week three, as he mentioned, Corinne will be here on Sunday morning and then our workshop in the afternoon. But if you have questions about relationships or about anything pertaining to relationships, we would love for you to fill out one of the question cards in the back over the next few weeks and just drop it in there. And Corinne is gonna hit on those during the workshop. So we would love for you to leave your questions. We're gonna be covering a lot of different kinds of relationships and relationship situations, But relationships are as unique as the people in them. So there's no possible way in this three week series that we can cover every unique situation and scenario. So as things come up, as we're talking, as you're thinking, maybe you have some questions that are just kind of brought to mind. We would love for you to drop those questions in the back and Corinne will be able to get to those during our workshop.

Our goal with this series really is just to equip you. We want to equip you with biblical principles for all of your relationships to help you have strong, healthy, kingdom-minded relationships. That's the goal with this. We want them to be strong, healthy, and kingdom-minded. Now that doesn't mean that every relationship you're in will be with other believers, right? You can be in relationship with other believers and that naturally would be a kingdom-minded relationship because you're growing together in your faith. But when you're in relationship with a non-believer, who's someone who doesn't know Jesus, that can also be a kingdom-minded relationship in the way that you speak to them, act around them, respond to them. That can point them to Jesus. So we want all of our relationships to be kingdom-minded. So that's our goal for this series. So let me open us up in prayer. Jesus, we thank you for this day. We thank you for this topic. God, you created relationships. And so we pray that you will help us to have the best relationships that we can that are glorifying and honoring to you. Bless this time together in your name, amen. Well, ironically, we are on a break from our Philippians series, but our passage today is from Philippians. So we are going to actually just dive right into that here at the beginning. But this part that we're talking about is in chapter two. And it really, when we reference this verse, it's really about Christ as it should be. The Bible should be mostly about God, right? We see, we try to put ourselves in the Bible and really we should be looking for God in the Bible. And this is referencing the nature of Jesus. But something, a little shame to admit, that I had not caught before, like until very recently, like embarrassingly recently, is the first line of this verse, all right? So let's read it together. This is chapter two of Philippians. We're gonna start in verse five. It'll be on the screens. You can pull it up on your phone or in your Bible. The first verse, “In your relationships with one another,” that's the part I missed, okay? “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus, who being in very nature, God did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage. Rather he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant being made in human likeness and being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross.” Y'all glad you showed up today? Y'all ready to be like Jesus in your relationships?

He is a prime example of how we should be in our relationships. It is not very likely that we will have to die for our relationships, but are we willing to be like Christ? The key things that I wanna pull out here are humility and obedience. He humbled himself. He took on humanness. He lowered himself to be like us. And then he was obedient to God's plan, to the point of death, to sacrifice for us. So in our relationships, we can be humble and have humility with others while having obedience to God. When we have humility and obedience in our relationships with God and others, it's gonna solve a lot of the problems just right off the bat. It'll just take care of a lot of things, right? So we want to practice humility and obedience in our relationships. It's interesting, statistically in the church, the number of single people is actually rising. People are getting married later. We have, you know, there's other circumstances such as divorce or death, but people are just staying single longer. And so we have, in our congregation, we have a lot of married people and we have a lot of single people. And then we have a lot of unique situations within that. Maybe you've been married for a long time, maybe it's just been a short time. Maybe you are divorced, maybe you're widowed, maybe you're on your second marriage. For singles, maybe you are single out of choice, or maybe you're single not by choice. Maybe you are, again, widowed or divorced. Maybe you just haven't found the right person yet. Lots of different scenarios. but both are so valuable. And that's, I want you to hear me on that. Both are valuable in the church and in the kingdom of God. The ground at the foot of the cross is level. Okay, we all have something to bring to the table. Both are good and both are hard. Each of them has their own things that are hard about them. We're not gonna play the hard Olympics to see who has it harder. But we understand that there is hard parts of marriage and there's hard parts of singleness, just like there is goodness and joy in marriage and there's goodness and joy in singleness.

Romans 12 talks about how we're all part of the body. It says, "For just as each of us has one body with many members and these members do not all have the same function, So in Christ, we though many form one body and each member belongs to all the others.” We're all part of the body of Christ. It is not about our relationship status. It's about the status of our relationships. How healthy are our relationships? Our romantic ones, our friendships, our familial relationships, even coworkers and neighbors, how healthy are our relationships? So talking to the married people here for a minute. Married people have certain obligations to their spouse, to their family, if they have children, that often means priorities look different with work and finances. It's a beautiful picture of the gospel. You know, the church is called the bride of Christ. So it's this beautiful image of marriage, of how the church is married to Christ.

Paul talks about this in Ephesians, talks about marriage, says, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord." He goes on to say, "Husbands, loves your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy." He quotes back to the Old Testament, says, "For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife. and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ in the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband." He's laying out here what a marriage relationship looks like. It takes humility or mutual submission and obedience to God for the way the marriage should be. Marriage is good. Marriage is God ordained. The Bible basically starts off with God creating marriage with Adam and Eve. He says, "Adam, it's not good for him to be alone. I'm gonna give him a helper. I'm gonna give him a mate." And so he creates Eve. It is good. There is value in that. But for the single people, it is good and there is value in singleness. I don't know if you know, but Paul, who wrote much of the New Testament was single. There's a lot of single people in the Bible. Most of the disciples were single. People in the Old Testament, Rahab who helped the spies, the Israelite spies, she was single at the time. She ended up getting married because we know she was in the lineage of Jesus, but she was living in her parents' house when she helped the spies. God can use you regardless of your relationship status. Jesus was single. Let's not forget, There is nothing lesser than or greater than marriage or singleness. They're just different, but they both have strengths.

Paul talks about this in 1 Corinthians. He says, "I wish that all of you were as I am," being single, "but each of you has your own gifts from God. One has this gift, another has that," meaning marriage or singleness. "Now to the unmarried and the widows, I say it is good for them to stay unmarried as I do." Did you catch that though? He called it a gift. Both marriage and singleness are a gift from God. Those who are single have different obligations and responsibilities. A lot of you have more resources that are just available because it's just you. Maybe not finances, yes, but even just your time and your energy, You're able to live differently, to give differently, to meet people's needs differently. If there's someone in the church who needs a meal or needs a ride or needs help, you very likely may have more availability than a young mom with a million kids who just can't. Hi, I'm that mom with a million kids. But you just have a different availability And that is beautiful. And that contributes to the kingdom of God. Both though, the singleness is also a picture of the gospel. Because it is this image of being complete in Christ. Marriage, you don't get married to be complete. You get married to compliment each other. But in singleness, you get to live out being fully complete in Christ and being that picture that you are whole and complete in Jesus. Your identity is in Christ, whether you're married or single, it should be in Christ. It is not in your marriage, it is not in your singleness, it is not in your divorce, it is not in your past, it is not in any of your relationships, it is in Jesus. Both are good, both are hard, both require humility and obedience and selflessness.

Paul goes on in 1 Corinthians chapter seven, verse 17, says, "Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them." He's called you to your relationship status. Now that doesn't mean it can't change. Single people get married, and unfortunately, sometimes married people become single again. It happens. So he's not saying your identity is in your relationship status, but he's saying that you should live as a believer in whatever situation God has called you to be in. In this season of life, you can do it so well in whatever season you're in. We're called to steward our lives well and point people to Jesus in all of our relationships. but strong relationships require that humility and obedience. For married people, there's a selflessness that comes with living with somebody else, with considering your spouse's needs and desires, thinking of others in that way, of those that are in your home, and what is he maybe making sacrifices of what you want to provide for your family. For single people, there's a selflessness in the sense that you could very easily do whatever you wanted. You have less to other people to consider in your home. It's just you. But you don't live on an island. You can choose selflessness by how you interact with the people around you, by how you choose to spend your time, by getting out of your home and into the community or into your church. That still requires selflessness.

Humility and obedience are required for relationship within Christian community. So Christian community is this, it is the church. It's coming on Sunday mornings, it's being in relationship with other believers. This is Christian community. And we're all broken human beings who bring our own stuff to the table. And so it requires us to choose humility and obedience to God. We were created for community though. God is a communal God. He is triune, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. He is in relationship within himself. And so our communal triune God created us for community with Him and with others. When we are pursuing holiness, or sorry, pursuing humility, it allows us to pursue holiness in a much better way. Holiness is the process of becoming more like Christ. It is growing in our behavior, in our heart posture, and allowing Jesus to transform us to be more like Him. And the best way to do that is in community. Some ways that we do this through discipleship, small group, midweek small group, diving into the word, Bible study, practicing spiritual disciplines, accountability relationships, to hold each other accountable to the things that we say we're gonna do or not do. coming to church, being here, serving on a Sunday morning or in the community.

All of this is you growing in holiness. But all of these things outside of a few spiritual disciplines you do in community. When we invite Jesus into our relationships, Those relationships become more fruitful. They're thriving. They can be more intimate. We can be more authentic with each other and they build the kingdom. 'Cause when we're in relationship that has Jesus at the center of it, we're gonna build each other up. We're gonna be encouraging. We're gonna pray for each other. We're gonna be honest with each other and hold each other accountable. We're gonna allow people to speak into our lives as we speak into their lives. But it only works if we have the mindset of Christ. If we choose humility, if we put on the nature of a servant, he became like us, but in order to have healthy relationships, we have to become like him. and becoming obedient to God, in whatever that looks like.

I was listening to a podcast this week, specifically it was about singleness, but there was some really good stuff for everyone. And he wrapped up the podcast episode with this analogy. And he talked about, some of you may even have heard a similar analogy before, but he talks about who is on the throne of your heart. Right, so if you imagine you have your heart and it's Jesus' or someone is on the throne, it should be Jesus, spoiler alert, but someone is going to always be on the throne. Is it you? Is it another person in your life? Is it something you love very much? Perhaps it's a goal or something that seems good, but it's become higher than God in your heart. Is it a sin? If it's anything other than Jesus, you're gonna have problems. He said, when we are on the throne, we play defense because everything is about protecting your own little kingdom. When Jesus is on the throne, we learn to play offense. We get to be on offense when Jesus is on the throne of our heart, because we're not trying to defend our own little kingdom. We're not worried about other people being a threat to us and a threat to this kingdom we have set up. Because when we're on the throne, everyone is a threat to that. Can't really have real, authentic, kingdom-minded relationships when you see everyone else is a threat to your own personal kingdom. But when Jesus is on the throne, He can defend Himself. You get to go on offense. You get to go into relationships and love people. Out of His love for you, you get to love people. You get to walk confidently into those relationships to have the strong, healthy, kingdom-minded relationships that we're after. Because your identity is in Him, not in anything you can do, not in the relationship itself, it's in him. He is on the throne. So you get to be confident in those relationships and you get to continually choose humility and obedience and Christ likeness. So that together, either on your own, if they're not a believer or with that person, you get to grow in holiness. You get to be more like Jesus. And those relationships can help you grow as well. So who's on the throne of your heart? The beautiful thing of it is it can change. If it's not Jesus right now, you get to pick, you get to decide. You get to put him on the throne. And you're gonna be able to enter into relationships in such a healthier way. and a healthier mindset and more like Jesus.

Let's pray. Jesus, we thank you for this time. We thank you for this topic. We thank you that you created us for community, for relationships, for marriage and singleness. We thank you that you created the body to work together, that everyone brings something to the table that is everyone is valuable. God, we thank you for the relationships you've given us. We pray for the ones that are struggling. God, help us as far as it depends on us to live at peace with everyone. God, that you will just change our hearts so that we can infuse love and kingdom mindedness into our relationships, God. And the ones that are doing well, God, continue those relationships, build them up, grow them, help us to grow in holiness because of the relationships you've given us. We thank you. We thank you for Christian community. We thank you for community with you, that you, the God of the universe, want to have a relationship with us. Help us to walk in this truth this week as we head into our relationships. Help us to bring peace and your love into our relationships this week. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.